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Divorce is a Sin!
"For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away..." —Malachi 2:16
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"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." —Matthew 19:6
Divorce is a sin! Perhaps you may think that marriage is the "old fashioned" way. If that is your thought on marriage, then let me say that marriage is the "right way" as well. It does not matter what has changed over time, marriage will always be the right way within the sacred boundaries of God's law. Marriage is right between a man and a woman!
There is no perfect marriage. There are no perfect families. You always get the good with the bad...such is life. It is ok for a marriage to hit some potholes in the road. These cannot be completely avoided simply because we are all human beings prone to anger and disobedience against God. We are going to hit some potholes in the road; however, it is those open manhole covers that we need to watch out for. It is unrealistic to believe that you can live with another human being for any length of time without eventually having cross words between each other, etc.
A marriage should be based upon one another's love for each other. Unfortunately, many marriages today are based upon economics, loneliness or an unexpected pregnancy. If you are in such a marriage, it is still a legitimate marriage in the eyes of God. Perhaps you married for the wrong reasons, many people do. That is ok, you just make the best of your marriage and don't let other people interfere. Two wrongs never equal a right. Wrong is wrong! If you feel you married the wrong person, then you need to ask God to humble you. Anyone can live with anybody if they can learn to be a nobody. This whole idea of finding the perfect mate is an illusion. Remember, Romans 3:23 declares, "For all have sinned..." I don't care who you marry, they're a sinner too. We all have faults, and commit sins. Leaving one spouse for another will just bring more problems. It is not uncommon for a couple to wonder after a few years if maybe they should have married someone else. However, it is still a sin to divorce your spouse. Don't do it. If you need to separate for a time, then do so...but never ever consider a divorce. If you do, you are willingly sinning.
No Scriptural Grounds for Divorce!
In Mark 10:9 Jesus states, "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." No one is ever to separate a husband and wife. I wouldn't want to be a judge, who grants divorces. I wouldn't want to be the lawmaker, who allows for all sorts of unscriptural grounds for divorce. And by the way, there are NO SCRIPTURAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE. In Matthew 5:32, Jesus said, "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." Carefully notice that Jesus never gave anyone permission to divorce because of adultery. What Jesus said is that a man would not be responsible for causing his wife to commit adultery, if she was ALREADY committing adultery. How could he be? To divorce your spouse is a sin, and you will also be responsible for their sinning if they remarry. But you can't be held responsible for causing your spouse to commit a sin that they're already committing. This is all Jesus meant. If committing adultery is grounds for divorce, then Matthew 5:28 gives every wife Biblical grounds to divorce.
Let me also say, If Jesus was willing to be despised and rejected of men, beaten to a pulp, mistreated, scorned, assaulted, spit upon, and crucified to death ... FOR US ... then we should follow Christ's example when our spouse does the same things to us. I realize that this is a Christian attitude that is as alien as an unknown solar system. Feminists and worldly thinkers cannot understand such thinking; but, it is Biblical. Jesus was willing to die for you and me. So why are professed "Christians" so quick to divorce their spouses, claiming mistreatment, abuse, extreme cruelty, etc.? I don't recall any disclaimer in the marriage vows that gives a spouse the right to divorce under ANY circumstances. What ever happened to "'Til death do us part?" I'm not hesitant to inform you, that "irreconcilable differences" is NOT found in the Bible as grounds for a divorce. There are NO Biblical grounds for divorce!!!
I wouldn't want to be a feminist, who sports in helping destroy other people's marriages. Many marriages have been broken up, by some carnal, malicious, feminist, woman, who convinced another man's wife to file for divorce. And tragically, MANY such feminists are found in churches all across America. Our churches need to be disinfected with a heavy dose of good old-fashionable preaching against divorce! Also, there are many carnal, self-righteous, hypocritical, sinfully proud, boastful, adulterous men, with wandering eyes, who claim to be "Christian"; but, they are home-wreckers as well, convincing other men's wives that it's ok to divorce. STOP LISTENING TO PEOPLE! People = Pain! Again, our churches need to be disinfected with a heavy dose of good old-fashionable preaching against divorce! It's a sin!
Divorce is a sin for a couple reasons:
1. Because you are breaking your marriage vows..."'til death do us part!" When you say your wedding vows, you are making a lifetime commitment. I don't care if you get married at city hall or church, God still holds you accountable for your promises and commitments. A promise is a promise!
2. Because God said so! "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." -Matthew 19:6
God hates divorce! It is only because of our sinful pride and selfish ways that we end up divorced in the first place. It is so typical to hear a divorced wife, or husband, talking about how much they gave but never received anything in return. Listen friend, marriage is not a 50/50 deal as most people would lead you to believe. No! Marriage is a 100% deal. We are supposed to give 100% to our spouse, even if they only return 10%. But you say, "That's not fair!" You're right ... life's not fair! We are a spoiled bunch in America! It's sickening to know that over 50% of all marriages in America are now ending in divorce. It's our pride! "No one is going to treat me like that!" "I love him but he's just too mean." 'I'm wasting the best years of my life." If your husband is a tyrant, then you leave him until he goes for help ... but don't sin against him and God by filing for divorce. If you need money for support, get a job like everyone else! Also, why is he getting angry? People usually get angry for a valid reason. It's utterly hypocritical for a stay-at-home wife--who loafs, lies, and lacks any interest in fulfilling her wifely or motherly duties, to run file for divorce when her husband finally blows up in anger and crosses a line. You hypocrite! You push his buttons every day by telling him you'll do better; but you never do. Then you take the easy way out by filing for divorce. And to add insult to injury, you use the court system to take away his children, his house, his paycheck, his dignity, and his life. Who's the monster?
I love what Mrs. John R. Rice said. She said that 90% of all divorces are the woman's fault--because God created the woman for the man, and not the man for the woman. God created Adam, and then gave him a job to do. However, God created Eve with one sole purpose--Adam! Marriages usually fail because wives are rebellious against their husbands, and refuse to live for their husband. We read in 1st Peter 3:6 that Abraham's wife, Sara, called him "lord" (sir) and obeyed Abraham. This is so rare nowadays.
I realize some people might seem like they deserve a divorce, but we are not to give up on our spouse. God NEVER gives up on us ... Hebrews 13:5 ... NEVER! If we are to be Christ-like, then we must stand by our mate ... "for better, for worse." Did you not make that vow on your wedding day? Yes, you most certainly did! People nowadays run file for divorce when things turn for the worse. They think, "I'm outta here!" Divorce is sin!!! Wouldn't it be nice if every marriage could always be only "for better." Not really. If you never went through tough times together with your spouse, then you would never grow together. That which does not kill us makes us stronger, IF we don't throw in the towel by quitting! It is those rough times together, when you can't see your hands in front of your face, that marriages are either made stronger or destroyed.
Don't Divorce, Please!
If you are considering a divorce, I plead with you to give God a chance by giving your spouse another chance. God is willing to forgive us an infinite number of times. Surely we can learn to forgive each other. Don't allow the pressures of this crazy world to destroy your marriage. Set some priorities. Turn off the phone. Tell your friends your going to be busy spending time with your spouse for months to come. Love your spouse! Go places together. You're not going to beat the game of life which the world offers you! So stop trying to get ahead. Forget the stock market. Forget the overtime. Don't work midnight shift. Go to the park together. Do some different things. Here's an interesting statement I once heard...
If you do what you always did, then you'll get what you always got.
That's a good statement! If your marriage is on the rocks, then you've got to change something in your marriage! Think! Don't be stupid like so many people, by throwing away your marriage. I'd hate to think you simply don't care anymore. If that's you, then you need to get right with God! If your job is stressing you out, then take a break; but don't divorce. Go on Family Medical Leave (FMLA) for stress. Go to your doctor and tell him your stressed out. Hand him the FMLA form. You're protected by congress, and you can't get fired. You can take 90-days off from work. If you can't afford to miss work, then use "intermittent FMLA," so you can miss work whenever you need to. Take a break. I sincerely believe many marriages are failing because of the monotony and stress of the workplace, combined with all of life's other problems. The economy is deteriorating, good jobs are becoming scarce, insurance premiums are skyrocketing, insurance coverage is decreasing, spending power is declining, perversion is all around us, feminism and homosexuality are corrupting society, our government is run amuck, society is becoming very cold and paranoid--it all amounts to increased tension on American families (Christian included). Employees mean absolutely nothing to companies these days. These are difficult times to be married and live the American dream--of owning your own home, of saving enough money to put your kids through college someday, of living in a decent neighborhood, of having a meaningful and happy marriage, and so much more. As I once heard, "Life is what happens to you while you're making big plans." Most people place their marriage at the bottom of their list of priorities. Your marriage should come first, friends and family down on the list. By the way, church should come down on the list too. Nothing should be any higher on your list of priorities than your spouse. Only God comes higher, and God wants you to love each other above all else. If you don't, then nothing else really matters.
If you love your spouse, then you'll put up with him or her.
If you love your spouse, then you'll put up with him or her.
If you love your spouse, then you'll put up with him or her.
If you love your spouse, then you'll put up with him or her.
If you love your spouse, then you'll put up with him or her.
It's really as simple as that. If you love someone, then you'll put up with them just as God puts up with us!
People don't "fall" into sin. No! We choose to go into sin. We choose to hold onto our sinful pride. We choose not to love our spouse anymore with God's love. We choose to divorce. It takes two to tango. No marriage is ever only one spouse's fault. There's always two sides to every story, and then there's what really happened! The truth usually abides somewhere in the middle.
I always marvel that a couple can get married in a boat, on a mountain, in a church, under water, on a rollercoaster, in a park, even at the south pole; BUT, you can only be divorced IN A COURT OF LAW!
There's no such thing as the saying, "We used to love each other." The Bible clearly teaches that "love never faileth." Either you loved your spouse then and still do now, or else you don't love your spouse now and never did at all. True love is NOT conditional. You hang in there and be strong while your spouse is weak, for that is what God does for us.
God Hates Divorce!
You know, why is it that many people who want a divorce go around quoting Jesus' statement on adultery; but I never hear these people quote Malachi 2:16 where God say he HATES divorce, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away." "Putting away" is the Old Testament term used for divorce, which is an interesting phrase. The term "putting away" comes from the Hebrew word shalach, and literally means "to forsake, to cast or push away." When you divorce your spouse, you are literally shoving them away from you, forsaking them, and God HATES IT.
I've heard a divorced woman quote Malachi 2:14 concerning husbands who deal "treacherously" with their wives; but the context of the Scripture passage is strictly divorce. That is, a husband who divorces his wife is dealing treacherously with her, especially if they've been married for a long time. God HATES divorce! Why don't I ever heard women quoting Jeremiah 3:20... "Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so have ye dealt treacherously with me, O house of Israel, saith the LORD." It is divorce that is treacherous.
Who's to Blame?
I realize that in some situations, a spouse may run off with someone else in adultery. The abandoned spouse is often helpless to recover their former mate. I did not write this article to condemn anyone, especially not the victim of a divorce. A gentlemen recently wrote me, saying that his wife had run off with another man and remarried. So tragic! The man was obviously very sad. In such a situation, even though the husband may have contributed to his wife's decision to leave; he is NOT guilty of committing divorce (as he did not file or agree to the divorce). When a couple promises to stay with each another "for better, for worse; 'til death do us part," that is what God expects. I wrote this article to take a Biblical stand against rebellious people (such as the gentleman's wife), who run off and abandon their spouse when the going gets tough, breaking their wedding vows, looking for an easy way out. Divorce is a sin! Howbeit, if you are the victim of a divorce (i.e., your spouse abandoned you), then you have my deepest sympathies. I realize that all the sympathy in the world won't make anything better; but, Jesus Christ can make things better if you'll lose yourself in the Lord's work of soulwinning.
I cannot tell you what to do, for only you can make the decisions that guide your life; BUT, If your spouse has left you and is not remarried yet, I would suggest that you call her/him and attempt to make things right. I would also suggest that you ask your pastor if he'll go with you to visit your spouse. Only sinful pride causes divorce. There have been many instances of divorced couples actually getting remarried. I realize that there are many different situations, and everyone feels that they are the victim in a divorce; but, God knows everyone's heart and WILL judge the guilty. I simply wrote this article in hopes of possibly saving a few marriages. You don't have to divorce your spouse! Divorce is a personal choice that no one MAKES you do.
In a situation where your spouse has abandoned you and is already remarried, you must let go. I realize this is often excruciatingly painful; but, why hold on to what doesn't exist anymore? The past can no longer hurt you; but the future can. So don't live in the unchangeable past. The past is forever gone, and now you must move forward. I cannot give you Scriptural support for what I am about to say; BUT, I believe that the victim of a divorce is free to remarry in such a situation (provided that every honest attempt has been made to reconcile the marriage relationship, and adequate time has been allowed for reconciliation--I recommend 5 years). To me, a clear distinction needs to be made between someone who is forced into adultery (remarriage, Matthew 5:32) because their spouse abandoned them; and the adulterous spouse who just didn't care at all, and left. Regardless, Jesus taught that remarriage is adultery if our first spouse is still alive; therefore, we must make every attempt to reconcile with our first spouse, to be a just as possible in the given situation.
Let me clarify my statement by saying...many people look for excuses to justify their divorce (sin), wrongfully exaggerating their spouse's behaviour, trying to demonize their spouse. It is NEVER right for you to leave and then remarry (because you are the guilty party for leaving). Whoever FILES for divorce is the guilty party (as far as the divorce itself). If a spouse was abusive, leading to a divorce; then God will judge that person for their abusive words and actions; BUT, that certainly does NOT justify a divorce!!! God KNOWS your every thought and intention, so no matter how much you attempt to rationalize and lie to yourself, God WILL hold you fully accountable for your words and actions on judgment day. I'm simply saying that there are two sides to every story, and then there's the TRUTH--and God will judge each divorced couple according to the TRUTH; and not their own side of the story. It is clearly adultery for any married person to run off and marry another. If you are truly a victim, then God knows your situation and I believe you are free to remarry. However, there are some men who deliberately abuse their wives, wanting her to file for divorce, so the husband can portray himself as the victim. In such cases, God will judge the wife for filing for divorce; BUT, the husband will be judged much more so, because of his tyranny and abuse.
In closing, divorce is a sin and should never be considered an option in any marriage. The divorce rate in America is skyrocketing because of sinful pride. It is the same sinful pride that fuels abortion, murder, homosexuality, witchcraft, gambling, pornography, and every other sin imaginable. I wrote this article with people like Amy Grant in mind, who coldheartedly walked out on her husband in 1999, to run off with Vince Gill. As believers, let us follow in the steps of our Wonderful Savior, who promised He would NEVER leave us, nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).
In Jesus' name...
David J. Stewart
"...Let not the wife depart from her husband... and let not the husband put away his wife." —1st Corinthians 7:10,11
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Leading the pro-family movement since 1972 - Get Informed!
"Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the LORD..." -Malachi 2:17
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"Anyone can live with Anybody if they can learn to be a Nobody." —Dr. Tom Williams
"For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself."
—Galatians 6:3
