Please Pray for My Bodily Afflictions
By David J. Stewart | August 2011
My neuropathy (nerve damage) symptoms have been horrible lately. I ordered
two books to help me cope with the burning, tingling, puffy feeling in my
arms, stabbing pain radiating into my arms and legs at times, and chronic
toothache pain in my neck with chronic neck stiffness. I am hurting from
head-to-toe, literally. My whole body is engulfed in pain. Only God knows
what I feel inside my body.
“Currently there is no proven treatment to prevent or cure neuropathic pain (neuropathy or nerve pain). Instead, the primary goals of treatment are to reduce the pain as much as possible, balance the negative side effects of the treatment, and help patients manage any unresolved pain.”
One of the books that have encouraged me is PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY by Norman Latov, MD, PhD, who shares his own medical afflictions (neuropathy) with others to encourage them. Dr. Latov states..
Functioning day to day is not easy. Living with neuropathy teaches you very quickly that you cannot take anything for granted. Just a few years ago, if someone had told me that walking up a flight of stairs could be agonizing and make me feel like I'd just climbed Mount Everest, I wouldn't have believed them. Let me tell you: I believe them now.
From the outside, you could never know anything is wrong. In fact, someone recently said how lucky I was that no one can tell I have this disease. Actually, it's a double-edge sword. I don't want people to think something is wrong with me. On the other hand, I often feel like I'm suffering in silence because no one understands what I'm living with. I try very hard to hide what I'm going through. ...
When you are diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy, you constantly are confronted with what life was like “before” and “after.” “Before” meant living without having to think about every little thing you do. It meant walking down stairs without having your heart skip a beat as you fear you may tumble down instead of walk down. “Before” meant taking a step without having to take a step.
“After” means thinking before doing. When you wake up in the morning, you get out of bed, remembering to be careful not to lose your balance.
SOURCE: PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY: When the Numbness, Weakness, and Pain Won't Stop; by Norman Latov, MD, PhD; pages 103-104; ISBN-13:978-1-932603-59-0
That is exactly what I have been diagnosed with (peripheral neuropathy) and am going through. I have also been diagnosed with stenosis (narrowing of the spinal cord pathway and radiculopathy (tingling, burning, weakness, and pain radiating in the arms and legs). I read this passage and wanted to cry because that is exactly how I feel. I feel alone when I'm around people because they don't know the raging storm inside of my body... burning, tingling and pain in my arms and legs, arms that feel twice their normal size, my neck feeling like a bomb ready to blow, and neck pain like a toothache that radiates into my gums and facial area. It's a miserable way to exist. It seems like only a dream when I think back to a time in my life when I was pain free and happy.
I have to be extremely careful not to let my afflictions cause me to snap. I feel stressed out all the time because my neck is wound up like a rubber band. I've had this neck stiffness since 2004 and nothing alleviates it. I was prescribed muscle relaxant drugs like Flexeril, Skelaxin, Robaxin and Soma to no avail; but it's the neck itself that's tight internally for some reason. No one has ever been able to diagnose the cause. It literally started overnight in 2004 with a hot-flash in my neck when I used my head as leverage to turn my body in my sleep. I was fine the day before, but the next morning I had chronic neck pain and tension that has never gone away. A year later I fell in 2005 and that's when the radiating pain started.
I was hit by a church bus back in 1992, which broke my seat. I suffered severe whiplash, but hospital x-rays showed nothing was broken. Little did I know that my neck was thrown out of whack (called Reverse Cervical Curve) and 12-years later would manifest itself as Cervical Degenerative Disk Disease. My life ended in March of 2004. I am now surviving. Albeit, I rejoice as a born-again Christian who has the hope of eternal life and a new body waiting for me at the Rapture, fashioned like unto the Lord's body (Philippines 3:21). That is a glorious hope to have, and I have the inspired Word of God to cherish every day of my existence. I love the Bible so much. God is a good God.
I choose to be humble no matter what. I just let everything go. Let go, let God. I have had people wrong me like you wouldn't believe, but I chose to let it go. I choose to forgive. Look what Jesus let people do to Him. I just can't deal with life anymore. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm just saying I can't handle all the pressures and problems of life like I once could, because of my bodily afflictions, so I have to just let things go. Sometimes I turn my phone off for weeks. I haven't tuned my car in years. I can't remember the last time I changed the oil. I just keep adding oil. I'm not kidding. I have to force myself to play my guitar, and the more I play the more my body is riddled with pain. I just want to take my pain meds and try to relax. Doing anything aggravates my neck.
I never thought this would happen to me, but it did. Your health can disappear overnight, like mind did. I simply turned in my sleep and that was it. Little did I know that my neck was ready to go because of my injury 12-years earlier. If you've ever been in a serious whiplash accident, you are a prime candidate for what I'm going through. I see these young men doing back-flip somersaults and doing crazy stunts where they slam on their heads and backs on the concrete. If they only knew what it's like to live with constant pain... they will. Of course, you can be careful and still end up like me. I was rear-ended by a buss. It can happen to anybody anywhere anytime.
With all the bodily afflictions I'm going through, there's nothing in this world that can compare. I just put it all into the Lord's hands, because I am struggling just to face another day of pain and misery. I have a dozen different afflictions going on in my body at any given time. My right foot and toe are hurting badly as I type. My neck pain is unbearable. I also have horrible sharp pain extending down my right arm into my fingers. I'm a mess. I just took 40 mg. of Oxycontin and 600 mg. of Gabapentin. The Gabapentin does very little, but it seems to take the edge off the radiating pain a bit. More than anything it helps me relax. I take 1800-2400 mg. a day. I tried Lyrica, and may force myself to take it if my pain gets any worse in my legs, but it reacts with the Oxycontin and causes strong flu-like symptoms. Lyrica is supposed to treat nerve pain, but it just makes me sick with fever, chills, nausea, messed up sinuses, and other unpleasant side-effects.
Although I'm glad that my suffering is not visible, I am very lonely having all these afflictions and no one who knows what I am feeling inside daily. I often wonder when I am in a store if someone else is like me, and no doubt some are. As I type I feel like my body is burning from the inside out. I have sharp stabbing pain down my right leg into my toe. Both of my arms feel twice their size, and I'm switching fingers to type because the pain has been getting worse lately in my fingers.
I am scheduled to meet with a radiologist Friday to see about getting an EMG. I asked my doctor about another MRI, but he said unless something drastically changes I'll have to wait until a year has passed since my last one (November of 2010). This is all so frustrating. I ask for your prayers. I played my steel guitar for a while yesterday, but the sharp pain radiating into my right forefinger was so bad that I had to stop. Anything that I do aggravates my neck.
I am truly blessed by God and yet am suffering horribly at the same time, so I feel both emotions together since I am living both realities. So I naturally I am afflicted with mood swings...
In severe cases, with chronic neck pain, the sufferer may also experience depression, mood swings (anger and anxiety), irritability, sleep disturbances, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and even drug dependency connected to the incident.
SOURCE: Neck Pain - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis and Treatments
I have experienced all of that since 2004, and with my condition worse now than ever, I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate those of you who understand why I cannot handle e-mails. I miss hearing from so many of you that I remember. I am hoping to be evaluated within the year for possible endoscopic surgery on the back of my neck, to remove bone spurs at C5-C6, but I am reluctant after the last surgery made me worse. I just don't know where to turn for medical help, and at this point, am not sure if anything can be done for me.
The surgeon thought a hip graft would fuse my bones better and eliminate my pain, but it didn't in the least, and now my arms feel puffed up 24/7. All I've ever tried to do is rid my body of this horrible debilitating neck pain and ripping tension that has ruined my life, but things are just going from worse to worster to worstest (I think I just made some new words). Things have been getting worse for me, but God is at the steering wheel.
As Pastor Jack Hyles (1926-2001) used to sing...
My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,
All I have to do is follow;
My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,
All I have to do is follow;
Strength for today is mine all the way,
and all that I need for tomorrow;
My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,
All I have to do is follow.
I know many of you are wondering why I write articles weeks ahead of time. I love writing articles and it is an honor and a privilege to do what God has laid upon my heart to do. Albeit, sometimes I am overwhelmed with pain and don't want to live. At times like that I just exist and deal with the pain hour by hour. If I am suffering in horrible pain and don't feel like writing, then I feel better knowing I am covered for the next couple weeks. That's why I do that, it's because of my pain. Sometimes I don't write articles ahead of time, and sometimes I do. It all depends on how I feel inside.
My website is dark because it is easier on my eyes, because my neck pain radiates into my eyes. I made my other websites... Soulwinning.info, GodLovesPeople.com, LoveTheTruth.com, and SteelC6th.com bright because I strongly felt that they should be; however, I don't spend near as much time working on them and I feel at home working on my Jesus-is-Savior.com website ministry.
Since I've had 2 surgeries and have exhausted all conventional medical remedies, there's nothing else being offered to me at this time except prescription medications. From this point, the only thing available is drastic stuff like a nerve block or a morphine injection pump. I really don't want that, but I need to get something done to help alleviate my suffering. I am in God's hands. James 5:13, “Is any among you afflicted? let him pray.”
Until a person is afflicted with endless pain, they naturally can't relate to such suffering and can't possibly understand. They just can't. I know what's it's like to be outside on a beautiful day with the sun shining, and everybody is enjoying life and having a good time; but physical suffering within my body is afflicting me and it overshadows me. I look fine, but my whole body is crying out in affliction. I fight it and try to live anyway, but it catches up with me and oftentimes I feel overwhelmed in public with burning, tingling, fatigue, weakness and pain. I try to live a normal life, but it is difficult.
Philippians 2:13, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” That is why this website is here, i.e., because God has done a work in my heart to will and to do of His good pleasure. Amen and amen!
I ask for your earnest prayers for this ministry and me daily. This ministry is much bigger than me, it's about the Lord Jesus Christ, Who is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE (John 14:6)! HEAR YE HIM!
“Even so, come, Lord Jesus” (Revelation 22:20).
I love you all in the Lord, whoever you may be!
Tomorrow's Guarantee of God's Provision
1st Thessalonians 5:25, “Brethren, pray for us.”
