"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" -Micah 6:8
Being a godly husband is a work in progress. Some guys try harder than
others, plain and simple. There are no perfect marriages, no perfect wives,
no perfect husbands, et cetera. No two human beings can spend lots of time
with each other without conflict. The key is to learn how to constructively
deal with that conflict, so as to avoid unhealthy ways of dealing with
conflicts, such as losing one's temper and various types of abuse. I am a
firm believer in the old cliché... “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound
of cure!”
Here are some basic principles for men that will help you to be a better husband in the Lord...
- Wives need prayer.
- The stronger you are in the Lord, the more vulnerable that your wife is.
- Determine together if her workplace is spiritually healthy.
- God created women to work for men.
- Be aware of what she is reading and watching.
- Shield her from people who negatively affect or influence her.
- Don't drive her away by being passive and uninterested.
- Help her grow.
- Encourage her to read good books.
- Assume the burden of dealing with plumbers, appointments, et cetera.
- Be involved in discipline, don't leave it all to your wife.
-
Honor your wife.
- be affectionate (hand on shoulder, pat on back, an encouraging word, hug, hand hold)
- conversation
- She needs honesty and openness (don't live a double-life)
- She needs financial support
- She needs family commitment
- Men need to be the facilitator in the home. Men by nature are passive/aggressive, that is, they don't want to get involved until an issue becomes a problem and then they get aggressive and angry. Don't be passive!
- Women are relational and conversational.
- Ask your wife to pray for you.
- Let her see you read the Bible.
- Meet with your family about the Word of God (let them see that dad cares what God says).
- Pray with your wife.
- Lead by attending church and witnessing the gospel to others.
- Avoid those things that drag you down spiritually (old worldly friends, alcohol, partying, et cetera).
All of the preceding points are just being a regular Christian. There is no magic to building a happy marriage. A happy marriage means a happy home, which will mean happy children. A healthy marriage is never an accident; but rather, it takes two committed people to building a happy marriage. If you are thinking that you spouse needs to do better, than you are missing the point. A marriage is two people making a life for each other! A marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Jesus said that the greatest amongst you shall be YOUR SERVANT. Husbands and wives ought to serve each other, submitting one to another as the Bible commands in Ephesians 5:21, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
There
are unresolved anger issues in most marriages. Learn to place everything,
including your anger and bitterness over bad past experiences, into God's
hands for judgment (Romans 12:19; Matthew 12:36). Be better today than you
were yesterday! We all feel like failures, and that's true of husbands and
wives. Forgiveness in the Bible means “to let go, or release.” The best
marriage is between two forgivers! Forgiveness is a mark of those who follow
Christ. There is no joy in life without forgiveness. God's forgiveness of
man becomes a pattern of man's forgiveness of man.
The Sin Of Divorce
Divorce is always wrong, even in cases of adultery. You've been told wrong if you've heard otherwise.
Jesus never gave permission to divorce an unfaithful spouse; but rather, to divorce a spouse who has permanently forsaken you by running off with another partner. To teach that it is ok to divorce a spouse who has been unfaithful, who is sorry and repentant, and doesn't want a divorce, is to totally violate Matthew 18:22 by refusing to forgive. Jesus commanded to forgive not only 7 times a day, but 7 x 70, which is 490 times in a single day. Or in other words, unlimited forgiveness. What if your spouse commits murder, bank robbery or some other non-sexual crime? Doesn't that give you grounds to divorce? You cannot find anything in the Bible to justify a divorce. So why in the world would God allow divorce only in the case of adultery?
I think the Old Testament proves what I am saying. When God divorced the nation of Israel, it was only after centuries of continued unfaithfulness and spiritual adultery. God never divorced His own; but rather, it was a business agreement gone bad. God broke off His covenant with the nation of Israel, which according to Exodus 19:2 was CONDITIONAL upon OBEDIENCE. The Hebrews disobeyed again and again, even murdering the prophets that God sent to warn them of the judgment to come if they didn't repent. Hebrews 13:5 promises that God will NEVER leave nor forsake His own. If we are to exemplify our Savior, Jesus Christ, then we ought to do the same.
