by David J. Stewart

Put The Broccoli Where He Wants It!

Some practical advice for wives...

       I was reading through a newspaper recently and ran across an article that made me think a bit about how silly we humans can be at times. The article was similar to one of those Ann Landers columns where readers send in questions for the "Expert" to answer.

We'll this particular article featured a woman who is married to a doctor. The doctor's wife said that her husband is very respected in the community and in his profession by his peers. She was upset however because she said that her husband is a phony and abusive. She said that her husband picks on her at home and is a totally different person than he is in public.  She mentioned in particular that her husband criticized that very day for not putting the broccoli on the correct shelf in the refrigerator.

The female columnist sided with the woman and advised her to confront her "abusive" Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde husband or leave him if he didn't change.  Let me say right here that divorce is a SIN!  I would never advice any woman to stay in a dangerous situation, but all too often rebellious wives (who anger there husbands) demonize him when he has every right to be angry with her.  Ladies, don't demonize your husband for getting angry if your not keeping the house clean, meeting his needs, and feeding him decent home cooked meals. 

Lazy Wives and Mothers

One man's wife was so lazy that she handed him a drink in a glass that still had Ajax detergent in it.  She was too lazy to rinse out the glass, and to properly wash the dishes.  She was lazy.  If your husband asks you to thoroughly rinse out his glass... JUST DO IT!

I guarantee you ladies that if you go to ANY "professional" doctor (i.e., a psychiatrist) for your inability to clean your house... you'll never be diagnosed with LAZINESS.  Modern doctors are trained to put you on some type of drug, bill you and then give you another appointment... next!  We'll I'm telling you that many of you are just plain lazy and need to start helping your husband.  I realize that some women have legitimate physical/mental conditions that hinder their ability to function properly, but I believe that far too often the medical profession makes excuses for a person's lack of character.  No doctor will ever tell you that you lack character.  You'll instead be diagnosed with depression, hormone imbalance, regressive anger, post-traumatic stress, anything but the truth.  You need to do some soul-searching if you're husband is often getting upset with you.  Are you doing your job in the marriage?  What is the root of your problem?  Is it really him?  Many of the women ending up in psychiatrist's offices are there because they refuse to accept their role in life as a "help meet" (Genesis 2:18).  A "help meet" lives to please her husband, and thus pleases God.  Please listen to Divine Wisdom verses Man's Wisdom (a 30-minute Windows Media sermon).

Just Do What Your Husband Says

A lot of wives aggravate their husbands by not listening and doing things the way he wants them done.  I realize that the feminists will not like this article, but it is good advice for women who want to make their husbands happy.  Ladies... JUST DO IT!  Just do what he says, no questions asked.  It is wrong that a husband should have to ask his wife day after day... month after month... and even year after year... to clean the refrigerator, wrap food, pick up clothes, give the kids vitamins, and hundreds of other common sense things.  I knew a man who's wife refused to get him a glass of water while he was cutting the grass.  That is sinful.  She should have just did it.  You know ladies, marriage is like the buttons on a shirt, if you get the first button wrong, then all the others will be wrong too.  The first button ladies is for you to obey your husband and let him lead as God intended for him to do.  And by the way, his way of leading may not be the way you think he needs to lead.  I know a woman who's husband decided not to go to church anymore.  She continually berated him and made him feel bad about it.  So he never went back to church because he knew she was trying to FORCE him back into church.  You can't force a real man ladies, he'll be more stubborn than a mule--over the principle of the matter.  You are to obey your husband.  Get that first button right, and trust God to do the rest... 1st Peter 3:1 states, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives."  A wife has more power over her husband than God's Word does.  Remember, Adam chose Eve over God. 

I am not condoning abuse in any form.  I am simply saying that you NEED to do your duties, your job, your responsibilities.  If you cannot perform them, then you need to sit down with your husband and talk about the matter.  Lack of communication is destructive in any relationship.  If you are the type of person who continually says that you're going to do things, but you never do them... then you either have a serious character problem, or else have an ailment such as Attention Deficit Disorder (which means you need to see a doctor).  If you think your husband is being unfair, then you need to insist that he sit down and you both talk together.  A husband is a fool if he refuses to sit down and talk with his wife (in fair weather, many men will refuse to talk during a fight).  Some wives don't have anything to say until they get mad, then they unload the boat.  That is not healthy or fair in a marriage.

I wrote this article because I know that many couples argue and fight over little things.  This article applies to men also, but mainly to the ladies because it is the husband who usually wants everything done a certain way.  If he's paying all the bills, he has that right.  Even if he's not paying all the bills, he still has that right--he is your husband (Ephesians 5:22). 

Here are the dear words of a great man of God, Dr. Curtis Hutson...

You are not responsible for how your husband plays his role, but you are responsible for how well you play your role. You are to show the world the relationship of the church of Christ, and your part is to make the church look best you can. It is the husband's part to make Christ look as good to the world as he can by playing the part of Christ.
   You say, "What if he doesn't try very hard? What if he messes up? What if he gives me a tough time? You mean I still have to play my role?" Yes.
   The Holy Spirit says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ. so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
   She says, "In every thing?"
   "Yes, every thing."
   I made a mistake as a young pastor that I corrected later. I told a lady, when her husband told her not to go to church, "You just tell him you are going to church anyway. You are going to live for God." I gave her unscriptural advice. You are to be to your husband what the church is to Christ--submissive, obedient.
(emphasis added)
   It is like buttoning up a shirt--if you get one button right, you get the rest right. If you get your role right and keep it right, no matter how much pressure comes--and you can believe there is going to be pressure--it will work out right. A preacher once said, "Do good and it will be good."
   Did you know the whole life is pressure? You are like a vessel on a potter's wheel. God is forming your life, and He makes you form the pressures that come to your life. When you say, "I do," and the curtain goes up, it is like getting inside a pressure cooker...
   Submission is a right attitude, recognizing that the husband is the head. That doesn't mean the wife can't make suggestions--that she can't tell him what she wants. But the husband is to lead the home, and he is make the final decision.
   Someone says, "Now, wait a minute. I have said, 'I do,' The drama is on. I know my role. Now, what is my husband's role?"
   Well, if he were here, I would tell him. I might say that his script is a little longer than yours, a little more detailed. But there is no need to talk about him; he is not here. Your role is to be submissive. Look at Titus 2. Your role is to love your husband. Your role is to be discrete, chaste, keepers at home. Did you know a woman's home is her career? It should be...
   I must confess I have not been as much like Christ as I wanted to be. I must confess I haven't tried very hard at times. It is easy to forget your role. When your husband asks you to do something, it is easy to say, "Do it yourself. I am not your slave." Remember, you are not playing the role of the church when you do that. -SOURCE
(Chapter 3 of Dr. Curtis Hutson's excellent book, The Woman's Role).

Pastor Hutson is Biblically right.

Practical Thoughts

I have a few practical thoughts on this matter for any married women who may be reading this article:

First of all, if you're having marriage problems... do you really need to go to a newspaper columnist for help?  How sad.  A newspaper columnist is no place to get advice.  I've always been amazed how people who are having problems will seek advice from people who have never been in their shoes.  I mean, it is retarded for a mother to seek advice from a woman without children, or from a newspaper columnist. 

I knew a woman who went to see a psychiatrist.  The patient was married with children.  The psychiatrist was a young single woman with no children.  This is retarded folks.  No married woman should ever seek counsel from a single woman.  If you want to get advice, then seek advice from someone who has successfully gone down the road you're going down.  Find an older Christian woman who hasn't divorced or drove her husband away.  Find an older woman who has stood the test of time, someone who has raised her children successfully.

Likewise, a younger man seeking advice should seek out an older married man who hasn't run off on his wife, someone who has withstood the tests of life.  If you want to build a business, then go seek advice from someone who has successfully built a business, someone who has ALREADY DONE what you are wanting to do.  This is good sense.

Secondly, I can't believe that the wife I mentioned at the beginning of this article would rather go through all this trouble to discredit her husband than to simply obey him.  Ladies, if your husband wants you to place the broccoli on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator... THEN PUT IT THERE!  What's the problem?  The woman in the article above is a rebellious wife, she would rather do things her own way than her husband's way.  Like it or not ladies, your husband is over you in authority according to the Bible (Colossians 3:18).  I know that some woman is going to ask, "Does it really matter where the broccoli goes?  Is it really worth fighting over?"  I'll tell you ladies a secret about most men... Yes!  It really does matter.  It is extremely important to most men that things are done a certain way.  The bottom line is that the wife is to obey her husband... period!  If it comes to a head-on conflict, then the wife is supposed to back down.  Were talking broccoli here folks.  Put the broccoli where your husband wants it.  If you don't, then consider yourself a feminist.

God Created Men to Lead, not Women

I am not condoning abuse, but a husband is much more likely to be mad at his wife all the time if she acts like the woman in the article above.  If this woman is going to get upset with her husband over some broccoli, then she probably is driving the poor man nuts by not doing a bunch of other things.  Ladies, us men were created differently by God for a reason, we are natural leaders... we give orders... we desire to control what is ours.  If you reject this truth, then you are likely headed for a divorce, because a house divided cannot stand (Mark 3:25). 

I don't think it is unreasonable one bit for a husband to ask his wife to place certain foods in certain places.  Let's face it, we are all rebellious and stubborn (Ephesians 2:2).  We need someone to be in charge over us.  Everyone has a boss, like it or not.  A wife at home has no one to answer to EXCEPT HER HUSBAND.  He is the ONLY one in the world who she is accountable to.  Yet, if the husband can't hold the wife accountable, then who can?  If a wife is lazy, dishonest, unmotivated or has any other problems that are affecting her ability to perform her duties as a wife and a mother--then who is going to straighten her out?  You have to feel sorry for a guy who marries a problematic women who refuses to be a wife and a mother.  What is he supposed to do?  Where is he supposed to turn?  Can he write her a letter of warning like a boss does?  Can he fire her?  What disciplinary action can he take against her?  If wives were held to the same standards at home which are REQUIRED for any normal job, they would be unemployed.  Yes, they would be fired for lack of performance.  So what is a husband to do?  He is truly in PRISON if his wife refuses to obey.  The children don't eat properly, they don't do their homework, they have a poor excuse for a mother.  What does the husband do?  Where does he turn?  Frustrated and overwhelmed, he gets angry at times.  When he gets angry, then he is demonized by seemingly everyone.  Where does a husband go to when he gets tired?  Where are the shelters for men?   Where do men who suffer from continual mental cruelty by lying, lazy and irresponsible wives go for help?  There is no place of refuge for the man, he must just stay and tough it our like faithful men do.  Woe unto the rebellious wife who grieves her husband!

I knew a man years ago who came to work angry one day. Steam was coming out his ears. Do you know why he was so angry? He was stressed out because his wife kept putting the toilet paper role on the dispenser backwards from the way he wanted it. He wanted the paper to roll over, but she wanted to paper to roll under.  It was driving him nuts.  Ladies, most guys want everything a certain way... that is who men are.  And when husbands do lighten up and let things go, it still frustrates them at a minimum (which makes them irritable).  Most wives don't understand this or refuse to accept it.  This is why the divorce rate is skyrocketing.  I agree with Mrs. John R. Rice who said that most divorces are the woman's fault.  Why?  Because God created the wife for one main purpose--to help her husband.  The man was created to do the work which he believes God has given him to do.  The wife needs to do and be whatever her husband needs her to do and be.  Let me say that again...

The wife needs to do and be whatever her husband needs her to do and be.

Mutual Respect and Submission; but Husband is in Charge Biblically

The bottom line is that husbands and wives need to respect each other by doing the things that they have agreed to do (mutually), and the wife's primary responsibility should be to help her husband.  If there is a conflict of interest, then the wife should submit to her husband.  This in no way makes her a slave or robs her of her own free will, it simply means that a marriage cannot have two leaders.  Most marriages today are two-headed monstrosities.

A godly husband will love his wife and be fair with her.  Howbeit, he is still a human being and will be prone to get angry if the wife doesn't perform her duties and responsibilities.  I can guarantee you that if you view your husband as a dictator, it is largely because you have made yourself a slave.  You are not anyone's slave.  You may want to be his slave, but the danger of thinking that way is that you'll get depressed and break down emotionally over time.  You need to be you.  You have a right to be you.  However, your husband has a right to a wife who meets all of his needs, tells him the truth, gives him his mail, feeds him nutritious meals, and makes sure the house is clean.  If you are a working wife, it should only be because your husband wants you to work to HELP him pay the bills.  In this situation, the husband should share in the house work.  Fair is fair.  I tell my wife that I don't expect her to obey me, just do the things that she has AGREED to do.  If she does what she is supposed to do (by her own agreement), then there are no problems.  If she doesn't, then she is at fault.  At a minimum, I expect her to inform me of anything which she will be unable to complete.  This is basic ethics which should apply to our dealings with ALL people.  I also extend the same respect to my wife if I cannot complete something that she is relying upon me to do. 

A happy marriage MUST be centered around the word RESPECT for each other, for God has commanded us to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God").  The key is that the wife MUST submit first.  A godly husband will allow his wife to as she pleases 90% of the time.  Like it or not ladies, in that 10% area where you don't agree with your husband, you need to obey him and let him be the boss (even if you believe that he is making the wrong decision).  I remember a man I once knew who was driving in a car with his wife.  They were out of town somewhere traveling.  He looked at the map and said he needed to turn right at the corner.  His wife insisted that a left turn be made instead.  They argued briefly and then the husband decided to just do what his wife said.  They drove for miles and miles until the wife had to concede that she was wrong and should have been quiet.

My point is simple... If your husband wants his cereal in a certain bowl or wants you to wear a certain dress in public... JUST DO IT!  If your husband wants you to rinse his glass for 15 seconds or asks you to roll his socks into a ball... JUST DO IT!  If your husband wants more grain in his meals... JUST DO IT!  If your husband doesn't like the smell of certain foods when you cook them... then DON'T DO IT!   If your husband wants you to put the twist back onto the loaf of bread... then JUST DO IT!  If your husband wants the toilet seat up at all times... then JUST DO IT!  It may not seem fair to you but it is YOUR JOB ladies to HELP your husband.  If you don't like what I'm saying, then get mad at God (Genesis 3:16).  If you don't believe the Bible, then you might as well stop reading because you'll never please God (Hebrews 11:6).  God hates feminism, which is usurpation of authority that rightfully belongs to the man.

You are to be His HELP MEET!

Why rock the boat?  Why be stubborn and aggravate your husband?  You are his HELP MEET!  Do you want to be happy as a wife, I mean really happy?  Then you do everything you can do please your husband and make him happy.  But you ask, "What about me?"  What about you?  You were created to please God (Revelation 4:11).  God is pleased when we obey Him.  A wife is commanded by God to obey her husband (1st Peter 3:6).  To submit is to obey.  Most women today refuse to submit to their own husbands.  It is a shame and a sin.  The divorce rate has skyrocketed because of feminism, which has brainwashed women into believing that they shouldn't have to center their lives around a man.  I heard a single woman say, "I'm never getting married, I'm not going to wait on no man hand and foot."  I think she would be wise never to get married because she'll be divorced faster than kids eat ice cream (and they eat fast let me tell you).

If this article makes you angry, then you need to get right with God.  A woman is to obey her husband.  If you want to be a career woman, then you are in violation of 1st Timothy 5:14-15...

"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  For some are already turned aside after Satan."

A woman's place is in the home, not behind an office desk.  American women are known around the world for their feministic and rebellious traits.  If this angers you, you are proof of this fact.  I am not condemning anyone, I am just saying that it is time for wives to start obeying their husbands again, weather he loves you or not.  His sins don't justify your sins.  Also, I am wearied by the "Christian" wife who only obeys her husband when it is convenient to do so.  Ladies, you are supposed to obey your husband at all times, ESPECIALLY when you are mad at him.  This is when much damage is done by foolish women, "careless daughters" as the Bible calls them... Isaiah 32:9, "Rise up, ye women that are at ease; hear my voice, ye careless daughters; give ear unto my speech."  Are you a fool?  Are you plucking your home down with your own hands... Proverb 14:1, "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands"?  Do you need to make things right with God?  With your husband?  Then DO IT!  I don't mind if you leave my website mad at me for telling you the truth, but please do the things that your husband is asking you do.  If he wants you to put the broccoli on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator, then woman... JUST DO IT!

May God bless you,

David J. Stewart

All information posted on this web site is the opinion of the author and is provided for educational purposes only.  It is not to be construed as medical advice.  Only a licensed medical doctor can legally offer medical advice in the United States. Consult the healer of your choice for medical care and advice.