Marriage is NOT 50/50

by David J. Stewart

So many marriages end in divorce because of sinful pride.  This sinful pride often lurks in the carnal attitude one has towards their spouse.  So many married people have the attitude that they'll only do their part if their spouse does theirs.  That attitude just won't work in the real world...not if you want to stay married.  God never intended for a marriage to be a parasitic type of relationship where you only give to get.  A marriage is supposed to based upon UNCONDITIONAL LOVE where each person gives 100% regardless of how much effort the spouse puts in.  Is that fair?  Of course not, but true love isn't based upon fairness.  Was it fair that Jesus Christ should paid a debt he did not owe because we owed a debt we could not pay?  No, but He did it anyway because He loves us (Romans 5:8).  Love oftentimes is not fair.

The Bible clearly teaches that we are no better than the heathen if only give to get.  If we only love those who love us, then where is our reward?  Jesus said in Matthew 5:46...

"For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?"

Biblical love is unconditional love.  A parent who truly loves their child will NEVER disown their child.  A husband who truly loves his wife will NEVER divorce her.  A wife who truly loves her husband will NEVER divorce him.  A troublesome marriage may require a separation for a short time, but if a man and woman truly love each other...they will not divorce.  You don't need to send me any e-mails defending your situation and telling me why divorce was the only way out for you.  I understand all that.  I am simply saying that if you truly love someone, then you will put up with them and NEVER divorce them.  People get divorced all the time because they get tired and want out.  The green grass they seek is rarely what they thought it would be.  You can't run from your miseries.  We are living in a selfish generation where people look for excuses to run, shirk, and quit.  It's just not right.  Marriage is NOT an agreement, it's a lifetime COMMITMENT.

Often, marriage is simply two people putting up with each other for a lifetime.  A marriage is like a horse and carriage.  Everyone wants to sit up in the carriage, but who wants to clean up after the horses or change one of the carriage wheels?  That's right, no one!  There are going to be good times AND bad times in ANY marriage.  If you've had few problems in your marriage up until now, then you have something to look forward to (because the bad times will come).

Though opposites attract, they usually make lousy marriages.  A man who likes a clean house will continually fight with a wife who is a slob (and vise versa).  When dating, people often feel more comfortable with people who AREN'T like them.  Unfortunately, this often leads to troublesome marriages.  Then again, love is can't decide when and where to fall in love.  Life must take it's course.  If you are married to someone who is very different from you, then make the best of it.   A husband and wife must both COMMIT to treading through the bad times and swearing 100% loyalty to each other.   The MOST important thing in any marriage is that you both RESPECT each other.  Equally important is that you both COMMUNICATE.  A person should always say "excuse me" before interrupting their spouse in a conversation.  A husband should never unexpectedly bring home guests.  A wife should never hand her husband money in front of people.  A husband and wife should never correct each other in the presence of anyone.  A successful marriage must be based upon mutual loyalty, respect, communication, and honesty.   A husband and wife should be BEST friends.  If they're not best friends after several years of marriage, then something is wrong.

Freemasonry requires it's members to swear an oath (to each other and the organization) of allegiance and loyalty that supercedes God, family, government, church, even one's own marriage.  This is wrong!  Now I'm not a Freemason and no Christian should ever join such an occult organization; but, if there is any institution which should be bound by a similar is the marriage.  Of course, no allegiance should ever supercede God or the Bible.  But a husband and wife should be loyal to each other above every other human institution or organization (this includes church and family).  This is my opinion.  I simply don't believe that a wife or husband should ever call the police on each other, I just don't.  I don't believe that a wife should ever counsel with her pastor without her husband knowing about it.  If your husband is abusive, then leave him quietly and don't drag other people into your marriage.  As soon as possible, communicate with him and talk it out.  Seek Christian counseling if you need to, but don't allow ANYONE to split your marriage up.  Everyone nowadays seems to be a marriage counselor (and they cause many divorces).  It's amazing how someone who has only known you for less than an hour has your whole life figured out (and now they're telling you what you should do).  Please don't listen to people.  Tell your mother to mind her own business.  So many marriages have been destroyed by meddling people with good intentions.  The Bible teaches that NOTHING should ever come between a husband and his wife...nothing (Matthew 19:6).  If the husband and wife are at odds with each other, then leave it be...don't take sides or make things worse. 

In fact, it's not a good idea to meddle with other people's problems.  In Chicago, a man and his wife were physically fighting in public.  They had both been drinking alcohol.  A stranger came to the rescue and started fighting against the husband to defend the wife.  The wife pulled a knife and stabbed the stranger to defend her husband.  Fortunately, the stranger lived.  So much for being a good Samaritan.  The moral is that you had better be careful before you get involved with other people's problems.  Like it or not, you are not God and you cannot police other people's lives.  Mind your own business.

I knew a man years ago who was having marriage problems.  He and his brother never seemed to get along too well in the first place.  When the man's wife left him and went to live across town, the brother went over with his wife to meet the woman just to anger the brother.  Their meddling foolishness was cloaked with good intentions.  The man was enraged.  The last thing the angry man needed was for his malicious brother to go over and visit his soon to be x-wife.  They were divorced a short time later.  Oh how people love to give unsought advice.  Oh how people are idiots that ruin marriages.  I'm telling you in this article to cut loose from all the idiots and make a vow in your own marriage to be 100% loyal, committed, faithful, honest, and protective of each other!!! 

The very same people that you think are your "friends" during your marriage problems will be the very ones who abandon you when the smoke clears, the dust settles, and your marriage is in ruins.  I remember one foolish woman in particular who advised a young wife to call the police on her husband because he was angry at her for not cleaning the house (and he had every right to be angry).  The meddling feminist also explained to the young wife that the police wouldn't do anything unless she claimed that she had been threatened.  Unbelievably, that evil advice came from an older "Christian" woman.  Well, the police broke the man's door down and took him away in handcuffs while the wife was frantically going hysterical with emotion.  Turns out that the woman was presently seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication.  The "Christian" woman on the phone almost destroyed the marriage.  What an idiot!  The woman taking the medication was in an emotionally unstable state and some well meaning woman on the phone hurt her marriage.  You know what's even much worse...according to that young couple, the "Christian" woman on the phone never even called back one time to see how their marriage was doing.  Evil!  Talk about hit and run!  I'm only sharing this example with you to WARN you...don't take advice from anyone who takes sides.  The bottom line is that people will help destroy your marriage if you are foolish enough to let them.  You had better turn to God, seek Biblical advice, and then act accordingly.

By the way, when your son or daughter gets should adopt their spouse as your own child as well.  This is my opinion.  God says that a man and a woman become ONE.  Ok, then why do meddling mother-in-laws only see their daughter when the marriage is having problems?  I'll tell you why, because most mothers are carnal, some even wicked feminists.  When your married children are having marriage problems, do NOT take just be there for them if they BOTH need you.  Be sure to assure them that you're NOT taking matter how obvious it is that someone is clearly in the wrong.  Let them live!  Give them room to learn from their own mistakes.  A gentle, loving word of advice might be appropriate, but be might be lighting a fuse.  The best advice is to BUTT OUT mom and dad.  And you mothers, don't let your daughter come running home all the time...a marriage is going to have problems...teach your daughter to hang in there, just like her husband does at work every day while paying the bills.  Every mother out to be pushing her daughter into the arms of her husband, not pulling her away.  Go shopping once-in-awhile by yourself mom!  Something is very wrong when a wife spend more time with her mother than she does her husband.  In fact, a wife should not spend more time with anyone more than her own husband. 

Sadly, couples often spend more time with the opposite sex at work than they do with each other at home (is it any wonder why adultery is so prevalent in America?).  American is being destroyed by design.  I knew a wife and mother of four children in our church who worked at a bank while her husband worked as an electrician for a Bible college.  Well, one day she didn't come home because she ran off with some man at work.  Her husband was absolutely devastated...totally.  The kids were in shock.  The family was destroyed.  That Christian mother had no business working outside the home.  He lost his wife because of it.  Take heed to my words!  Mothers belong at home (1st Timothy 5:14).  It's far better to be burned out at home than to be burned out at work in a plethora of temptations.  I don't care who you are, you cannot rise above temptation.  Though God always makes a way to escape, why take chances by walking in the workplace of the ungodly.  It surely is no place for a Christian lady.

Marriage is NOT 50/ is 100/100.  If you don't give 100%, then shame on you.  If you're fortunate enough to be loved, then your spouse will pick up the slack and be there for you.  Certainly, there are times of weakness in all our lives when we need someone to pick us up and even carry us along.  Unfortunate is the man or woman who is all alone in life.  My heart goes out to you.  Thanks to the evils of feminism, many woman are ending up bitter old-maids.  Every Christian woman ought to seek for a Christian husband (and vise versa) and then each give 100%.  But in reality, very few marriage are 100/100.  Truthfully, very few people give 100%.  I'd say the average marriage is somewhere between 30/70 and 60/40.  The point is that we should not use the shortcomings and faults of our spouse to justify slacking off on our part.  It's going to happen because we are human beings, but we must learn to change our "attitude" towards our duties in our marriage.  When my wife is angry, I need to be extra kind.  When she is sad, I need to be supportive.  When she only exerts 20% into the marriage, I must deal with it and just move on one day at a time.  Is that fair?  No!  Is that easy?  No!  But that is Biblical love.  We're NOT talking about a business here, that's a whole different situation...we're talking about a marriage.  A business just fires you when you don't perform, but you can't fire your spouse.  What does an individual do?  You just do your part and hand in there.  Keep your eyes on God.  Don't quit!  And continually remind yourself that Jesus gave 100% at the cross, when we gave Him 0% in return.

God bless you.