Whatever You Do, It Ain't Right

by David J. Stewart

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18

      Oftentimes, husbands can be overbearing upon their wives without fully realizing the consequences of it.  This is especially true of Christian wives who are taught to be submissive and obedient to their husbands (which is God's way).  However, it is not good for a husband to be overbearing; in fact, it's a sin if the wife is being abused.  Men are dominant by nature; that is to say, they want to have control over everything that is there's.  Nothing makes a man angrier than when he loses control over what is his.  If a wife leaves her husband, he has lost control of her.  If other people are giving her advice, the husband is at the mercy of the wife's sense of judgment during her time of despair.  Oftentimes, wives are given ungodly advice by well-meaning, but carnal people.  Our advice should come from the Word of God.  Of course, divorce is always a sin.  God never leaves us (Hebrews 13:5), nor should we ever leave our spouse.

Many wives are the victims of their husband's constant criticisms for poor cleaning performance, looks, etc.  A wise and loving husband will work with his wife to help her accomplish her tasks.  Sometimes women get stuck in their minds being inside the home all day, they need a loving husband to help them...not badger them with negative talk.  Wickedly, some husbands swear at their wives and viciously degrade them.  This is sin.  No one should ever lash out in anger at anyone.  Many wives are kicking posts for their husbands to take out there frustrations on.  Not necessarily physical abuse, but mental and emotional torment.  A wife should not have to fear her husband's anger every time she makes a mistake.  This type of relationship is common in older marriages (where a couple has been married for many years).  Sometimes married couples get tired of each other and any love they once felt towards each other has grown ice cold.  Merely repeating life's endless daily cycle year after year can drain a marriage's batteries.  People get tired and become apathetic.  This is all too common in marriages.  The bills never stop coming.  One problem after another arises.  Life becomes a chore. 

Many married couples see the problems, but don't see a way to make things better.  The husband feels like a slave at his job.  The wife is tired of the husband being crabby all the time.  He is tired and just wants to give up in life.  Then his wife leaves him and threatens divorce.  He wants to kill himself but knows it's not the answer.   The wife is taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist.  Nothing helps.  The wife is emotionally unstable, the husband is overbearing and controlling.  The wife lies to her husband to avoid getting in trouble again.  The husband does everything he can to make his wife happy, but he just can't get control of his hot temper...and he wants everything done yesterday.  Sound familiar?  I've just described millions of marriages all across America.

All too often, a wife feels like she just can't seem to do anything right...everything she does is wrong in her husband's eyes.  She gets depressed and loses her desire for romance.  She no longer wants to clean the house.  Her husband gets even angrier because the house is dirty and the garbage stinks.  And the situation takes a domino effect downhill.  Sadly, divorces often result in such problematic marriages. 

I wrote this article to speak to any wives who may be in the situation I just described...you feel like you just can't do anything right in your husband's eyes.  Listen ladies, your husband needs you!  A husband often gets tired at his job, tired of people, tired of life, even tired of his wife...and this drains his wife's batteries down greatly (if you let it).  I'm speaking primarily to wives who stay at home while their husbands work outside the home.  There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker, but it's critically important that wives learn to understand their husband's more.  Look ladies, you need to keep your head up and help your husband.  God created Eve to be Adam's "helpmeet."  A wife is to help her husband.  When a man comes home tired from work, he should receive a good meal, slippers, a hot bath, etc.  Unfortunately, many husbands still find a reason to get angry at the wife.  This is horribly wrong, but I believe wives should learn to help their husbands by openly speaking with them instead of hiding their emotions.  A wife should kindly confront her husband on his day off when he's not busy and ask him if for some time to talk.  Do something nice for him.  Then kindly let him know that you feel he's being unfair (or whatever).  Communication is critical to a healthy marriage.  If he won't listen, then you have a problem that may require counseling. 

A wife needs to be assertive with her husband.  Many wives keep SILENT and hide their fears and frustrations until they snap one day and then leave for weeks or months.  That is ridiculous and wrong.  A wife should not get into the habit of abandoning her husband.  You mothers tell your daughter to stay home where she belongs.   Cut the umbilical cord mom.  Learn to talk with your husband.  Being ASSERTIVE is not insubordination.  You have every right as a wife to speak your mind in a proper way.  And by the way, the husband has absolutely no right to verbally degrade and insult his wife.  Many husbands are guilty of verbal abuse.  God pity the man who continually mistreats his wife.  God created Eve from Adam's rib, the nearest thing to Adam's heart.  Eve wasn't created from Adam's feet to be trodden upon, nor from Adam's head to have dominion over her husband.  No, Eve was created from the nearest bone to Adam's heart...a rib.  A husband is commanded by God to love his wife; but if the husband isn't as loving as he should be at times, the wise wife will exercise some understanding and try to alleviate his frustrations.  It's your job ladies to "help" your husbands in any way you can.

I wrote this article because it's time for Christian wives to become smarter than the average bear.  Too many foolish women run out the door, run to shelters, cry wolf, and make a mountain out of a molehill.  It would be much better if wives would exercise a little understanding and be much more patient with their tired, nagging, and unloving husband.  The woman's fantasy of a prince charming who never gets mad, never complains, never looks at another woman, never smells, never burps, never does something wrong is just that...a fantasy.  Men are sinners just like women.  We are all prone to anger and rebellion against God (Ephesians 2:1-2).  Even for Christians who have found the Lord, life can be extremely difficult.  Being a Christian doesn't guarantee an easier life, but it's better because you can look to the Lord Jesus Christ for guidance and strength.

All I'm saying in this article ladies is...be a lot more patient with your husband.  It is your God-ordained duty to help him.  It's your husband's duty to protect and provide for you.  Learn to talk about things together, and not attack each other.  It's ok to agree to disagree.  That's true for husbands and wives too you know.  Husbands and wives should allow each other room to live, space to be who they want to be.  No husband should smother his wife, but it often happens.  I knew a woman who cried because her husband painted the inside of the house mostly black...she hated it.  A loving husband wouldn't have done that, but would have allowed his wife to pick the color since she is the one looking at it most of the time.  He simply didn't think about her.  That is selfish and wrong.  

Don't get tired ladies.  If you feel that everything you do is wrong (and it may be to your husband), take it with a grain of salt.  You know that God is happy with your performance.  You know whether you're doing a good job or not.  Your husband may criticize you, but YOU KNOW if it's legitimate or not.  Please don't misunderstand me here, I think you should confront your husband in a loving way if you think he's being unfair or abusive.  All I'm saying is that a wife should learn not to take it so seriously when her husband criticizes her if it's obvious that he's tired or having a rough time.  Men get frustrated easily ladies, we just don't have the patience that you ladies do.  We want everything done yesterday.  We like to say things like, "Get to the point" or "I don't have all day."  We shouldn't say things like that to our wives, but sometimes we do.  Have mercy on us ladies.  Again, I'm not trying to justify any wrongdoing by an overbearing husband, I'm simply saying that a wife could greatly "help" her husband by not allowing her feelings to get hurt when it should be obvious that he just came home from a jungle out there.  It's going to happen.  So when you're feeling that you just can't do anything right, please keep in mind that you were created by God to help your husband.

You were created by God to help your husband...

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." -Genesis 2:18