No One Knows Your Pain
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." -revelation 21:4
Photo to Right: This is an actual thermal scan of my back performed in August of 2006. The black bar is off the scale due to the heat being generated by the inflammation from the constant horrible pain and ripping tension in my neck.
In March of 2004, I began to experience pain in my neck in the back of the lower neck… where the bone is located. I thought it was just a crick in my neck. The pain persisted. When the pain hadn't gone away after two weeks, I knew something was wrong. My neck was also VERY tense 24/7. I had NEVER experienced anything like this before.
I thought that perhaps
I had somehow strained my neck and needed a chiropractor to adjust my neck. I
went to see a chiropractor. He adjusted my neck,
gave me some stretching exercises to perform at home, and then used some sort of electrical probes to
involuntary activate the shoulder muscles in hopes of breaking up the tension
in my neck.
Herniated Cervical Disks
I had seen a chiropractor for four months, not knowing what was causing
such horrible pain. Finally, after four months of receiving no relief
from my chiropractor (and continued horrible pain), I insisted on receiving
adequate help… something was very wrong in my neck! In May of 2004, an MRI
had revealed two herniated disks in my neck (very similar the MRI photo to the
left). The disk between bones C5-C6 is protruding into my spinal cord (thus
causing me constant pain and tension). I also have a protruding disk between
bones C6-C7 (about half way to the spinal cord). Though the MRI referred to
my disks as “herniated,” the technical term is “protruding” because my disks
haven’t actually ruptured "yet." The neck “splints” (tightens) itself in an
attempt to protect itself in response to the pain signal being generated by
the pinched spinal nerve. More pain causes more tension, and more tension
cause more pain… it’s a constant cycle. The pain is unbearable at times.
I was taking 400 - 800 mg. of Advil every 6 hours per my neurosurgeon, but it
made me sick to my stomach and didn't help much. I'm now taking
hydrocodone pain killers. Ice packs offer slight relief only during
the times they are applied, but it's better than nothing.
Told I'd Have to "Live With the Pain"
I met with a Neurosurgeon in July of 2004. He said that I was NOT a candidate for surgery at this time because I wasn’t experiencing any “ridicular pain” (i.e., pain that runs down the arms, causing numbness or loss of function). Most neurosurgeons don’t like to operate on someone unless they absolutely need to (and the insurance companies won't pay for surgery unless a neurosurgeon approves). So I have to live with this horrible pain… a thorn in the flesh I’ll tell you. It's just like having a constant gnawing toothache in the bone area of the back of the neck. I received a steroid (cortisone) injection into the back of my neck in July of 2004; it didn’t do anything to help relieve the pain or the constant tension. I was prescribed the drug Skelaxin, but it made me sick to my stomach.
I had no choice but to
live with the pain. It's hard to enjoy life when you live
in constant physical pain. It's no life at all. In October of 2004, I sought relief
from another doctor because the gnawing pain was afflicting me day and night. He
referred me to see another neurosurgeon, whom I met with in November of 2004.
Again, the neurosurgeon told me that I would just have to live with the pain
because I was not a candidate for surgery. I was so distraught. I
was referred to see a Neuro-radiologist, who gave me 2 more steroid
injections using a CT Scanner machine. This time the shots were injected
from the sides of the neck. It was a lonely feeling lying in that machine, freezing in an air-conditioned
room, with two size-24 needles being stuck in my neck, while my head was
strapped down to a hard table, for over an hour. I remember my teeth
chattering because the pain was so intense. I knew that God was with me,
but I just didn't feel like being on earth anymore. There have been
times because of this miserable pain when I just wished my life would hurry up
and I could go on to Heaven. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm just
saying that when excruciating pain afflicts you 24/7... Heaven sure looks good.
If you have never had to survive day by day, suffering from a severe
toothache-like pain in your neck that never goes away, then you cannot fully
understand. I know pain. The two steroid injections didn't even
phase me. I received no relief whatsoever for my pain or tension in my neck.
The second neurosurgeon which I had met in November of
2004 diagnosed me with "cervical
degenerative disk disease."
Other Relief Remedies Have Failed
After the two steroid injections failed, my doctor gave me the drug Robaxin (another muscle relaxer like Skelaxin) and prescribed a higher dose of Advil to break the tension/pain cycle. The drugs helped a little; but I lost my appetite, and felt nauseated. I use ice packs often. I learned about a phenomena called "The Hunter Response." Basically, I place an ice pack on my neck until it goes NUMB. When you first place an ice pack on your skin, the blood vessels contract. After about 10-15 minutes, the blood vessels actually open wide to rush blood to the area to prevent it from freezing. It is this process that helps reduce pain and speed healing for some wounds. I my case, it just feels good for the moment, but there is no healing.
I went to another chiropractor in January of 2005, but to no avail. I bought a cervical traction unit at the recommendation of my first chiropractor for $250. It was a Pronex-2 unit. It is a piece of junk for anyone reading this. The plastic bellows that rest on your shoulders will leak in time and the unit will be worthless. Also, the unit only exerts 20 lbs. of traction at the most... not enough to make a difference. I used the Pronex-2 for a few months until it broke and I just threw it away. I received NO relief whatsoever from the Pronex-2 unit.
Next, in late February of 2005, I went to a physical therapist. I was
placed on a cervical traction machine. This time we went up to 50 lbs.
of traction. The first neurosurgeon I saw told me that cervical traction
would not help me because of where my nerve was being pinched. Since the
disk was protruding from the side into my spinal cord, he said that pulling
the head upward would not alleviate my pain. I went ahead with the
cervical traction anyway, in desperation, at the recommendation of my
chiropractor. It didn't offer much relief. There's a
couple different kinds of traction units. I don't like the overhead
vertical rope style because you are not relaxed during the traction. In the
horizontal unit, you lay down during the traction. It is much better in
my opinion. I stopped cervical traction several months later because it wasn't offering any relief. I am still suffering from constant pain and tension in my neck.
The Gnawing Pain and Ripping Tension Continue
I am experiencing constant pain and tension. I am in constant toothache-like pain in the bone area of the back of my neck. The tension is horrible. My present doctor, in September of 2007, prescribed to me Percodan 5-325, because the pain is so bad. It still doesn't help enough. I wrote this article because I know that there are a lot of people in this world suffering from pain just like me, and I do know what you're going through. I am familiar with gnawing pain that just WON'T go away. It's frustrating to me that men can put a robot on Mars, harness nuclear energy, invent jets that fly 10 times faster than the speed of sound, predict a lunar eclipse 100 years from now to the minute; BUT they can't make one's pain go away. Go figure!
The muscle pull in my neck is constant. I continually experience pain
radiating into my gums, nose, face, and eyes. A herniated disk is like someone
stepping on a garden hose, and everything downstream is affected. I
sometimes get a clogging sensation in my right ear. I often turn out
the lights because the nerve endings in my eye are so sensitive, because of
the compressed spinal cord. That's why my website is so dark, because it's
easier on my eyes. I often wear
dark sunglasses while researching the web because the light is so
aggravating.
Pain and Tingling in My Right Arm
Since
I first wrote this article in April of 2005, I am now experiencing continual
pain and tingling in my right arm, which I didn't have before.
Sometimes my left arm if affected as well. At times it feels like a bolt of electricity shooting down my arm. My
condition has worsened. I had another MRI can in July of 2006
(see MRI machine pictured to right). Back in 2004 I did ok in the MRI
machine; but not this time. I became claustrophobic in the enclosed
unit, and couldn't continue the scan that day. I panicked! My doctor gave
me 10mg of Valium for the next visit, and I wore a blindfold. I
learned a lesson the hard way during an MRI ... NEVER open your eyes in the
machine (because you've got about 2" of space between your face and the
inside of the machine!).
Click
here if you'd like to hear the LOUD sound that you have to endure
throughout an MRI ... it's nerve-racking! The scan lasted about 40
minutes. I've recently gone through some difficult times in my life,
and I don't think I ever felt lonelier than I did in that MRI machine that
day.
I met with a 3rd neurosurgeon in September of 2006 for a re-evaluation and am now eligible for surgery. However, a recent chiropractor that I met, told me about one of his patients who is now a quadriplegic, because of a cervical herniated disk surgery gone wrong. There's a lot of nerves passing through the neck, the neck bones are small, there's about six veins running through the neck, and lots of nerve tissues―so it's an intricate surgery. To do the surgery, they literally cut-your-throat from the front to access the cervical disks, because the spinal cord obstructs the back. They remove the disks, and then fuse the bones together using titanium plates and screws (or they use bone material taken from your hip). I am frightened to get the surgery, as there are many serious risks; yet, I certainly don't want to continue living this way. So, whether it be months or years, I will most likely be going into surgery at some point. I've read that sometimes herniated disk conditions will heal themselves over time. It's been 3-years and I'm not holding my breath. As of October 2007, I have pain shooting down my right arm continually. One day at a time.
No One Knows Your Pain
I once worked with an elderly man named Bob who had suffered a fall off a ladder at work (while in his 60's). He needed to have three 5" titanium pins placed into his hip. Five years after the accident, he still waddled like a duck at work because his pain was so great. He would sometimes stop walking and just stand still for a moment because his pain was so bad. Bob saw me in the lunch room one day while I was holding an ice pack on my neck. I mentioned to him that someone had commented to me that I looked "worn out." I told Bob that people just don't understand what pain does to a person. Bob looked at me and said, "No one knows your pain." That meant a lot to me coming from a guy who lives in much worse pain than I do. So I say to you friend, "No one knows your pain." You are in a unique group of people, who are all suffering from their own individual pains, that no one else can understand; but we all share the common denominator of pain, and understand each other's hurt and loneliness. The Lord Jesus Christ is also in our group, "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not." -Isaiah 53:3
One Day At a Time
So, I live with the pain. I look forward to that day when I won't have to live with pain anymore. From time to time people ask me why I made my website so dark. The reason is because the pain from my neck radiates into the facial area, affecting my eyes. Any bright light aggravates the nerves.
I sure wish everyone could know the Lord Jesus Christ, and they could; but they won't come to Christ for forgiveness. My joy each day is in knowing that my name is written in Heaven, in the Lamb's Book of life. I'm not happy in my pain, but my heart rejoices that this pain will only endure for a season. I am committed to spending the remaining years of my life fighting the Devil, exposing sin and evil, guiding the confused, helping the unfortunate, comforting the weary, and preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ to as many lost sinners as I can. By God's grace and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will do just that. I am a nobody without the Lord Jesus Christ, and He means everything to me.
I'd like to thank my God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Just knowing that He
has promised NEVER to leave me nor
forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) keeps me going. Please pray for me.
A Longer Rope and a Stronger Camel
