No
One Knows Your Pain
"And
God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more
death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for
the former things are passed away." —Revelation 21:4
Photo
to Right: This is an actual thermal scan of my neck and back, performed in August of
2006. The black bar is off the scale due to the heat being generated
by the inflammation from the constant horrible pain and ripping tension in
my neck.
In March of 2004, I
began to experience pain in my neck in the back of the lower neck, where the bone is
located. The pain persisted. When the pain hadn't gone away after
two weeks, I knew something was wrong. My neck was also VERY tense 24/7. I
had NEVER experienced anything like this before.
I thought that perhaps
I had somehow strained my neck and needed a chiropractor to adjust it. I
went to see a chiropractor. He adjusted my neck,
gave me some stretching exercises to perform at home, and then used some sort of electrical probes to
involuntary activate the shoulder muscles in hopes of breaking up the tension
in my neck. Nothing helped.
Herniated Cervical Disks
I had seen a chiropractor for four months, not knowing what was causing
such horrible pain. Finally, after four months of receiving no relief
from my chiropractor (and continued horrible pain), I insisted on receiving
help elsewhere… something was very wrong with my neck!
In May of 2004, an MRI
revealed two herniated disks in my neck. I'll show you my actual MRI scan from 2006 in a moment. The disk between bones C5-C6 is protruding into my spinal cord (thus
causing me constant pain and tension). I also have a protruding disk between
bones C6-C7 (about half way to the spinal cord). Although the MRI
technician referred to my disks as “herniated,” my neuroradiologist said the technical term is “protruding” because my disks
haven’t actually ruptured "yet." The neck “splints” (tightens) itself in an
attempt to protect itself—an involuntarily response to the pain signal being generated by
the pinched spinal cord—more pain causes more tension, and more tension
cause more pain— it’s a constant cycle.
The pain is unbearable at times. Oftentimes
I have wished I was dead (not suicidal, just a desire to cease from
suffering from a miserable life). You can't judge me unless you've been in
my shoes. I heard a pastor of a very large church say in a sermon that
people who suffer in pain have no excuse to be unhappy, crabby or
unfriendly. That pastor evidently has never lived in pain. Let me tell you,
pain can ruin your life, as it has mine.
Told in 2004 I'd Have to "Live With the Pain"
I met with a
Neurosurgeon in July of 2004. The neurosurgeon said that I was NOT a candidate for
surgery at that time because I wasn’t experiencing any “radicular
pain” (i.e., pain, numbness or tingling in the arms or legs). It's
similar to having a
constant agonizing toothache, but in the bone area of the back of the neck. I
received a steroid (cortisone) injection into the back of my neck in July of
2004; it didn’t do anything to help relieve the constant pain and tension. I was prescribed the drug Skelaxin, but it made me sick to my stomach,
so I stopped taking it. It's hard to enjoy life when you suffer
in constant physical pain, which causes emotional stress and mental
irritability. It's no life at all.
In October of 2004, I sought relief
from another doctor because the agonizing pain was afflicting me day and night. I was referred to see another neurosurgeon, whom I met with in November of 2004. Again, the neurosurgeon told me that I would just have to live with the pain
because I was not a candidate for surgery at that time. I was so distraught. I
was referred to see a neuroradiologist, who gave me 2 more steroid
injections using a CT Scanner machine. This time the medication was injected
from the sides of my neck. It was a lonely feeling lying in that machine, freezing in an air-conditioned
room, with two size-24 needles being stuck in my neck, while my head was
strapped down to a hard table, for over an hour. I remember my teeth
chattering because the pain was so intense. I knew that God was with me,
but I just didn't feel like being on earth anymore. There have been
many times because of this miserable pain when I just wished my life would hurry up
and I could go on to Heaven.
I'm not talking about suicide, I'm just
saying that when excruciating pain afflicts you 24/7... Heaven sure looks good.
If you have never had to survive day by day, suffering from a severe
toothache-like pain in your neck that never goes away, then you cannot fully
understand. I know pain. I sought medical help, but there was
none. The two steroid injections didn't even
phase me. I received no relief whatsoever for my pain or tension in my neck. The second neurosurgeon which I had met in November of
2004 diagnosed me with "cervical
degenerative disk disease," saying that surgery wouldn't help me
anyway because I have Cervical Osteo-arthritis as well.
The tension feels like a golfball is stuck in the
back of my neck, waiting to burst out. I cannot turn my head to either side
without feeling a tight stretch like a rubber band is being pulled. This is
caused by the splinting muscles, which is involuntarily triggered by the
pinched spinal cord because of the protruding disk at C5-C6 in my neck.
Here's an actual scan of my MRI from August 14, 2006...
The above photo is an actual MRI scan
from 08-14-06 showing my herniated disks from 3 different angles. You can
clearly see that the spinal cord is significantly pinched in the leftmost
image scan. I have been diagnosed with Brachial Neuritis (pain from a
pinched spinal cord) and Cervical radiculopathy (pain and numbness extending
down my right arm)
Other Relief Remedies Have Failed
After the two steroid injections failed, my doctor gave
me the drug Robaxin (another muscle relaxer like Skelaxin) and
prescribed a higher dose of Advil to break
the tension/pain cycle. The drugs helped a little, but I lost my appetite
and felt nauseated. I used ice packs often, until they started causing
frostbite. I tried wrapping the ice packs in towels to protect the
skin, but it just makes the pain colder. Thermal packs don't seem to help at
all.
I learned about a
phenomena from my chiropractor called "The Hunter Response." Basically,
you place an ice pack
on the affected part of your body until it goes NUMB. When you first place an ice pack on your
skin, the blood vessels contract. After about 10-15 minutes, the blood
vessels actually open wide to rush blood to the area to prevent it from
freezing. It is this process that is supposed to help reduce pain and speed healing for
some wounds. I my case, it just feels like colder pain. I suppose an
ice pack is good for a swollen injury, such as a sprained ankle, but it
doesn't help my neck. Again,
frostbite prevents me from doing this as well.
I went to another chiropractor in January
of 2005, but to no avail. I bought a cervical traction unit at the recommendation of my first
chiropractor for $250. It was a Pronex-2 unit. It is a
piece of junk for anyone reading this. The plastic bellows that rest on
your shoulders will leak in time and the unit will be worthless. Also, the unit only exerts 20 lbs. of traction at the
most... not enough to make a difference. I used the Pronex-2 for a few
months until it broke and I just threw it away. I received NO relief
whatsoever from the Pronex-2 unit.
Next, in late February of 2005, I went to a physical therapist. I was
placed on a horizontal Cervical Traction Machine. This time I went up to 50 lbs.
of traction. The first neurosurgeon I saw told me that cervical traction
wouldn't help me because of where my nerve was being pinched. Since the
disk was protruding from the side (horizontally) into my spinal cord, he said that pulling
the head upward (vertically) would not alleviate my pain. I went ahead with the
cervical traction anyway, in desperation, at the recommendation of my
chiropractor. It didn't offer any relief. The neurosurgeon was
correct. There's a
couple different kinds of traction units. I don't like the overhead
vertical rope style because you're not relaxed during the traction. In the
horizontal unit, you lay down during the traction. It is much better in
my opinion. Howbeit, I stopped cervical traction several months later because it wasn't offering any relief. I
was still suffering from constant pain and tension in my neck.
The Agonizing Pain and Ripping Tension
Continue
I
am experiencing constant pain and tension. I suffer from constant toothache-like pain in the bone area
of the back of my neck. The tension is horrible so my doctor prescribed
Flexeril, which makes me sleepy more than anything. My doctor also
prescribed Percodan 10/325
because the pain was so bad, but the medication caused intestinal bleeding,
so my doctor switched me over to Percocet 5/325 instead
(which
agreed with my system). The pain has been unbearable at times. I was taking
400-800 mg. of Advil every 6 hours per my neurosurgeon, but it made me sick
to my stomach and didn't help much. For a while the Percocet wasn't
available in my area, so my doctor prescribed hydrocodone/acetaminophen
10/325 pain killers (Vicodin). I am now taking Percocet 10/325, which works
well for me. My doctor prescribed me Oxycontin, but none is available in my
area at this time. I was also prescribed Gabapentin due to pain and numbness
in my right arm, which doesn't seem to help much. There's been lawsuits
against the manufacturer of Gabapentin claiming it doesn't work. It just
seems to make me sleepy, as does the other medications.
Perhaps you're wondering why I'm
sharing me medical information with others? It's only because I want to
encourage other people who are suffering in constant pain like me—you're not
alone my friend. I have received numerous thank you letters from people, who
are suffering horribly in pain, thanking me for caring and expressing my
compassion for the suffering of others. We are brothers and sisters in pain.
I have to be careful
not to take too much oxycodone because it can be addictive, as
evidenced in the untimely death of Batman actor Heath Ledger in January of
2008. Rush Limbaugh also became addicted to Vicodin and Oxycontin for a
time. Sometimes you have to suffer in pain until enough time has passed
to take more medication. It's certainly no way to live. Hydrocodone/Oxycodone causes a euphoria affect similar to heroine. I never take more than my doctor prescribes. But then again, while
my regular doctor was away (who's conservative with medication) the fill-in
doctor prescribed me up to 12 Vicodin 10/325 tablets per day. Whoa! When my regular doctor heard that he
was upset. He lowered my dosage to only 2 Vicodin 10/325 per day. I guess that's one more reason why
250,000 people die every year in America because of "some" doctors. As
you can tell, I've done some homework on my medications. You should
always know what you're taking and how much is safely recommended. If I
would have taken 12 Vicodin pills per day, I'd likely be a drug-addict by
now. I do appreciate my regular doctor because he is conservative with the
medications he prescribes, and is concerned about me becoming addicted.
As I mentioned, the cold packs don't help much unless they're
very cold, which caused my
neck to start blistering from frostbite. I don't use ice packs anymore. I
rely on the Percocet 10/325 now for pain relief.
I don't drink alcoholic
beverages as a Christian, so for awhile I used Nyquil (alcohol) to
help me sleep at night. Later, I tried Ativan and then Ambien. The Ambien
seems to work best for me. Although I am generally skeptical of taking any
prescription medications, I have found some of them to be quite helpful,
such as the Percocet.
I've taken either Vicodin 10/325 or Percocet 10/325
to relieve pain. I learned the hard way to NEVER take Vicodin and Percocet within 24-hours of each other! I took
them only 4-hours apart and it made me sick for over a week. I puked my guts
out 5-times and experienced flu-like symptoms for several days afterwards. I
even called the hospital because my neck pain became so bad. My stomach
muscles were hurting for days due to the vomiting. It's no fun when stomach acid is
spewing out your nose while vomiting at 4:30 a.m. I told my doctor what had
happened.
I wrote this article because I
know that there are a lot of people in this world suffering from pain just
like me, and I do know what you're going through (although our circumstances
may be different). I am
familiar with gnawing, agonizing, debilitating, excruciating pain that
just WON'T go away. No matter which way I twist and turn my neck to
alleviate the horrible pain, it just doesn't go away. I can't sleep
well at
night. I can't carry on a normal conversation without having to excuse
myself due to the tension and pain in my neck. Everything irritates me. I
have little patience. I have little energy.
It's frustrating to me that men can put a robot on
Mars, harness nuclear energy, invent jets that fly 10-times faster than the speed of sound,
predict a lunar eclipse 100 years from now to the minute; BUT they
can't make one's pain go away. Go figure!
The muscle tension in my neck is constant. I continually experience pain
radiating into my gums, nose, face, and eyes. A herniated disk is like someone
stepping on a garden hose—everything downstream is affected! I sometimes get
a clogging sensation in my right ear. I often turn out the lights because
the nerve endings in my eye are so sensitive, because of the compressed
spinal cord. That's why my website is so dark—because it's easier on my
eyes.
Pain and Tingling in My Right Arm
I experience continual pain and tingling in my right arm. At times it feels like a bolt of electricity shooting down my
right arm into the thumb.
I had
another MRI scan in August of 2006
(see MRI machine pictured to right). Back in 2004 I did ok in the MRI
machine; but not this time. I became claustrophobic in the enclosed
unit, and couldn't continue the scan that day. I panicked! My doctor gave
me 10mg of Valium for the next visit, and I wore a blindfold. I
learned a lesson the hard way during an MRI... NEVER open your eyes in an
MRI
machine (because you've got about 2" of space between your face and the
inside of the machine!). Click
here if you'd like to hear the LOUD sound that you have to endure
throughout an MRI... it's nerve-racking! The scan lasted about 40
minutes.
I've recently gone through some difficult times in my life,
and I don't think I ever felt lonelier than I did in that MRI machine that
day. I've met with three neurosurgeons since 2004, but have not been
approved for surgery yet. I met with a chiropractor in 2007, who told me about one of his patients who is now a
quadriplegic because of a cervical herniated disk surgery gone wrong. There's a lot of nerves passing through the neck
and the bones are smaller, so it's an
intricate surgery. To do the
surgery, they literally cut your throat from the front to access the
cervical disks. They remove the disks and then fuse
the bones together using titanium plates and screws. I am reluctant to get the surgery as
there are many serious risks; yet, I certainly don't want to continue
suffering. So, whether it be months or years, I will most likely be going
into surgery at some point. I've read that sometimes herniated disk
conditions will heal themselves over time. It's been 4-years and I'm
not holding my breath. As of March 2009, I still have pain shooting down
my right arm continually. One day at a time.
No One Knows Your Pain
I
once worked with an elderly man named Bob who suffered horribly in pain. He
had fallen off a
ladder at work years earlier. He needed to have three 5"
titanium pins inserted into his hip. Five years after the accident, he
still waddled like a duck at work because his pain was so bad. He
would sometimes stop walking and just stand still for a moment because his
pain was so bad. Bob saw me in the lunch room one day while I was
holding an ice pack on my neck. I mentioned to him that someone had
commented to me that I "looked worn out." I told Bob that people just
don't understand what pain does to a person. Bob looked at me and said,
"No one knows your pain." That meant a lot to me coming from a guy who
lives in worse pain than I do. So I say to you friend if you're suffering
in constant pain, "No one
knows your pain." You are in a unique group of people who are all
suffering from their own individual pains that no one else can
understand; but we all share the common denominator of pain, and understand
each other's hurt and loneliness. The Lord Jesus Christ is also in our
group, "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted
with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we
esteemed him not" (Isaiah 53:3).
One Day at a Time
So, I suffer with the pain. I look forward to that day when I won't have to
live with pain
anymore. From time-to-time people ask me why I made my website so
dark. The reason is because the pain from my neck radiates into the
facial area, affecting my eyes. Bright lights aggravates the nerves, so I
prefer the darker background.
I sure wish everyone could
know the Lord Jesus Christ, and they could; if they'd only come to Christ
for forgiveness. My joy each day is in knowing that my name is written
in Heaven in the Lamb's Book of life. I'm not happy in my pain; but
my heart rejoices that this pain will only endure for a season. This too
shall pass. I am
committed to spending the remaining years of my life fighting the Devil, exposing
sin and evil, guiding the confused, helping the unfortunate, comforting the weary,
and preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ to as many lost sinners as I can. By God's grace and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will do just that. I am a nobody without the Lord Jesus Christ and He means everything to me.
I'd like to thank my God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Just knowing that He
has promised in Hebrews 13:5 NEVER to leave me nor forsake me, helps keep me going
for the Lord. Please pray for me.
Recent Update as of June 2009
I am still suffering from debilitating neck pain, which also
radiates into my facial area, right arm and thumb. I take Methadone HCL 5MG
8 times per day, which is potentially lethal. I am suffering in so much
misery. The medication makes me drowsy and sedated, so I am limited what I
can do. Some religious nut cases wrote to me not too long ago and said I
wouldn't need surgery if I had ever been baptized in the Spirit. That's the
insane Charismatic Movement just so you know, the wacko Pentecostals, like
Oral Roberts, Benny Hinn and Pat Robertson. The Apostle Luke was a
"physician" (Colossians 4:14), whom Paul took with him on his missionary
journey's to assist him. Doctors, the ones who aren't arrogant fools or
quacks, are a blessing from God. I have difficulty
sleeping and still need to take Soma and Ambien.
I had another MRI on 12-09-08 (thankfully in a larger machine). I've been
suffering with herniated disks now since March of 2004. A neurologist has
given me a recommendation for surgery. He prescribed Oxycontin CR 10MG 4
times a day, but it wasn't helping. One
does virtually nothing to alleviate my pain. It's like taking candy. My
doctors won't give me anything stronger so I have to see a pain specialist
and go on Methadone (heroine). I shouldn't have to beg for pain killers. I am suffering
alone in hell on earth; but I rejoice in the precious promise of
Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them
that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
A Longer Rope and a
Stronger Camel
