Dignity and Respect

by David J. Stewart

"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." -1st Corinthians 7:3

The word "benevolence" means "to show kindness and good will towards someone."  Many husbands have a problem in this area.  To be more blunt, they treat their wives like garbage.  Oftentimes, husbands take their wives for granted...even to the point of being abusive.  Abuse is always wrong!  Too many husbands are unreasonable and overly demanding of their wives.  It is sinful for a husband to treat his wife in a bad or disrespectful way.  Sadly, some husbands think they have a right to swear at their wives and degrade them.  It is a sin for a husband to call his wife degrading names, like "stupid" or "idiot."  Then one day she's gone...your wife has fled your abuse.

I know what you're already going to say in defense of yourself..."But she won't cook, clean, or be a wife.  She won't take care of the kids.  She hides things from me.  She lies to me.  She acts like a moron.  She talks to me when I'm busy with something.  She loses my things.  She won't wrap the food.  She won't clean the refrigerator.  She won't communicate with me.  She loses my mail.  She overlooks hair in my food.  She gives me drinks from dirty glasses, etc, etc, etc."  I'm sure a book could be written about all the things that wives don't do.  However, husbands aren't perfect either.  It's so typical of the average husband to find EVERY fault in his wife, while conveniently overlooking his own faults.  Every husband should look at his wife in sincerity and say, "I don't have one single fault...I have many faults."  It's true fellas.  If you really think about it (and it shouldn't take much thought), you are a dirty rotten scoundrel.  We are all sinners.  It's ironic how many people will readily admit that they're sinners, while failing to fully realize just how unfair and abuse they are being. 

I feel sorry for the poor unfortunate wife who lives in constant tormentuous fear of her husband's raging mood swings.  Can you blame her for leaving you?  You're lucky that she does leave you or you'd probably hurt her...then you'd go to prison.  Remember: It's EASY to get into trouble, but HARD to get out.  Don't be a fool man.  Use your head!  God made you the man of the house, not your wife (even if she thinks she is in charge).  Women get emotional...some very emotional.  A woman can tell you she hates you one minute, and then tell you she hates you five minutes later...and mean it both times.  God purposely created women as such so they could handle crying babies (and crybaby husbands).  Us men don't do well with crying babies.  In fact, I'd rather shovel dirt or mix concrete them take care of smelly, noisy, cute little babies.  God designed the woman a very complex creature to handle life's complexities.  Thank God for women.

Fellas, I don't care what your wife has or hasn't done...you have NO RIGHT to be abusive in any way.  Many husbands think they are not abusive because they don't PHYSICALLY abuse their wives.  Truthfully, MENTAL cruelty and abuse can be just as damaging and traumatic as beating her with your fists.  Some men think it's ok to slap or spit on their wives, just so long as they don't double-up their fist.  No kidding!  There is a demonic thought process that some husbands get into that actually causes them to justify certain types of abuse.  God says that ALL abuse is wrong.  1st Corinthians 7:3 teaches that we are to show DUE benevolence.  Did you read that?..."DUE!"  I don't care how bad you think your wife is (and she may be), she has every RIGHT to be treated with the utmost dignity and respect as a human being.  Your wife is a human being you know.  Who do you think you are to mistreat her? 

I know you think it's NOT fair.  I mean, you go to work every day while she sits home and seemingly does next to nothing.  The problem is likely that she is depressed.  MANY stay-at-home wives are eventually diagnosed with "clinic depression" because they DON'T HAVE A LIFE.  It's not because they're at home, it's because you keep them trapped in an imaginary cage.  They have few friends (if any), you control what they eat, what they read, how much money they have, what they watch on TV, what they wear, when they use the phone, and every other facet of their life.  This is sadly a common occurrence because the wife become economically dependent upon the husband.  She become his slave.  As a result, feminism and even lesbianism are attractive alternatives for many women.  I'm not saying it is right, it's not.  Feminism is evil.  Homosexuality is a sin.  I'm simply saying that abusive husbands are a big problem.

But you ask, "Isn't the husband supposed to be the head of the house?"  Yes, of course, but being a leader requires being a good follower as well.  Matthew 23:11 reads, "But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant."  A good husband will be a servant to his wife as well as a leader.  Too many pig-headed husbands think that the wife is supposed to OBEY ME, while totally misunderstanding the Biblical concept of leadership and submission.  In fact, the husband is supposed to submit to the wife as much as the wife is supposed to submit to the husband.  Don't believe it?  Then read the following Scripture...

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." -Ephesians 5:21

A godly and wise husband will do everything he can to make his wife happy, giving her the space to be herself.  Your wife has a right as a person to read and watch what she wants, even though you may not agree with it.  Perhaps your wife likes to watch a program on TV that you don't particularly like...let her watch it.  Give her room to breath, let her live.  If you smoother your wife, she will break down emotionally overtime...guaranteed.  She may try to deal with it because she loves you, but the pot WILL eventually boil over.  You may lose her completely.  At a minimum, you will lose her in so many other ways.  A woman cannot be what God created her to be if she's on a leash.  Take the leash off.  Let her open the curtains that you always want closed.   Let her have friends.  Let her get a part-time job if she needs to be around people.  Many surface marriage problems are mere symptoms of deeper underlying causes.  In other words...many husbands complain about their wives' lack of passion, lack of ambition to clean, and lack of character...but fail to realize that being stuck in a house all day would cause ANYONE to deteriorate and eventually break down. 

A wife who stays home all the time may actually develop a feeling of worthlessness if she is not encouraged on a regular basis.  A mean husband who continually browbeats his wife with criticisms will in a short time destroy her happiness and spirit.  Fellas, women need to be around other ladies (hopefully godly ladies).   You don't want your wife around feminists or bossy women.  One sick person plus one healthy person equals two sick people.  This is true for husband and wives.  Be careful about the people you associate and make friends with.

Every wife has a right to be treated with dignity and respect, with love and kindness, with understanding and patience.  Remember fellas, love is not 50/50...it's 100%.  Start loving your wife with Christ's if you haven't.  Be good to her.  Help her clean the house.  Life is not fair, but God will make it up to us in eternity if we'll pick up the slack for those for whom we are responsible for.  Kindest regards,

Dave Stewart