I moved from Guam to Pensacola, Florida in July of 2021. Just two days after
arriving in Pensacola, I attended the Campus Church at 250 Brent Lane,
Pensacola, FL 32503. One of the main reasons why I left Guam and moved to
the United States is to find a woman to marry. I made the unfortunate
mistake of attending Campus Church, thinking that with several thousand
churches members, surely I could find a wife there.
I sincerely, humbly and kindly emailed Pastor Jeff Redlin on July 21st, 2021 to simply ask him if I am welcomed at Campus Church as a divorced man who desires to remarry. He ignored me completely for the next 10 days! So I approached him after the Sunday morning church service on August 1st. I could see the tension on his face as I stood in line to talk with him. When I had my chance to shake his hand, I mentioned the email and he mumbled that he hadn't gotten around to it. I felt like garbage! He told me that he doesn't remarry divorced people. I expected that much from him. It's okay to agree to disagree. His wife was standing next to him.
So I then asked him what my chances were to find a wife at Campus Church, just to see if I was welcomed at Campus Church. He brushed me off and said he couldn't answer my question. He told me to pray about it. It was a simple question. I quickly understood that divorced people are not welcomed at their Campus Church. It bothers me immensely that most of our churches today are run like MacDonald's, a mere assembly line. Everybody shows up in their place, does their thing for an hour or so, and then they all go back home, just to repeat and repeat. They do this three times every week. They call this superficial routine “church.” But when a normal person like me comes along, who has a broken life and a hurting soul, they don't know how to deal with him. So they shun me, evade my questions, ignore my emails, and make me feel unloved and unwanted.
I really don't understand Pastor Jeff Redlin. You'd think at least that he would assure me that I am welcomed at Campus Church. For now I have nowhere else to go than Campus Church. I love their music and first-class symphony. I was initially impressed by their senior Pastor, Jeff Redlin, but I am losing that impression quickly. He seemed like a humble man and I took a liking to him when he befriended me as a total stranger on the church grass at the 4th of July picnic. But when he ignored my email for 10 days, and then confirmed today that he just brushed me off, I saw an ugly side to him. Pastor Redlin didn't care enough about me to write back. That bothers me.
A Pensacola Christian College (PCC) staff member invited me out to eat after church a couple weeks ago on Sunday. I gladly accepted. He brought me to a place called Panera. He told me that he is 43, single, and has worked on staff at PCC for 23 years. I told him that he was the perfect guy to ask about me finding a wife at Campus Church. I was saddened when he berated me, in a kind but offensive way, telling me that the “PCC camp” doesn't allow divorced people to get remarried.
The shallow guy unkindly implied that I was “hard-hearted” based on Jesus' words in Matthew 19:8 because both me and me former wife signed the divorce agreement. I realized at that point that I had told the wrong guy too much, and he was horribly condemning me as a divorced person. I felt like I was in an episode of The Outer Limits. I considered the source. Here's a single guy, no wife or children, age 43, condemning me for wanting a wife. I almost asked him if he was queer. This PCC Pharisee who invited me to lunch is the reason why so many people quit church and refuse to go back! What a hypocrite! I kindly explained to him that it was my former wife (and not me) who filed for divorce in 2006. I refused to sign anything, but was ganged up on by the lawyers to sign or else. I made my lawyer include it in the divorce agreement that my x-wife refused to reconcile with me, and that I didn't want the divorce. So I was in fact NOT hard-hearted in any way because there was a divorce that I didn't want. That PCC staff member sinfully judged and condemned me wrongly. Shame on him!
If that wasn't bad enough, while we ate lunch, he said: “Brother, you can stay single the rest of your life, Christ is all you need. Christ is all you need. God's grace can help you stay single, Christ is all you need.” I kindly told him that I agree Christ is all I need, but I WANT TO GET REMARRIED. So a few days later he gets up in our Sunday school class in room 208 (the Single's Class) and announces to the class that he wrote a new song that week, which he is going to teach us all to sing called: “Christ is all I need.” I stood there and sang this Pharisee's new song, rubbing it in and berating me for wanting to find a wife, singing his new song called: “Christ is all I need.” I decided not to go back to the class. I didn't come 9,000 miles to be rode, condemned, berated and mistreated by some weird guy at Pensacola Christian College that thinks divorced people are not allowed to get remarried. I just don't need that Pharisaism!
I kindly contacted the senior pastor to let him know what happened, without mentioning any names, asking him one simple question: “Am I welcomed at Campus Church as a divorced man who has intention of finding a wife at Campus Church?” I kindly explained that the whole reason I joined their “Single's Class” (for age 35 and up) is to find a wife. I told him that I didn't want the divorce and have been single now for 15 years. I don't want to be alone anymore. I kindly explained that I don't want to debate theology, I just need to know if Campus Church is the place for me. If not, I will move on elsewhere. I wrote the pastor last Thursday on July 22nd, but he blew me off and never bothered to write back. So when I kindly asked him after church today about it, he blew me off again and said he couldn't answer my question. It is shameful and sad that divorced people are shunned, outcast and mistreated like criminals by churches for life's hardships. I know of Baptist pastors who are divorced and remarried to someone else, and are faithfully serving God. I came to the Campus Church with an open mind and an open heart, but now I see that I made a big mistake, because the Pensacola Christian College (PCC) camp SHUNS DIVORCED PEOPLE!!!
I attended a Campus Church fellowship Sunday night, to eat awesome cookies made by the children of Campus Church. They were great cookies!!! The one's I had were loaded with chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. I am still craving more of them...lol. The senior pastor humbly welcomed and thanked me for attending the fellowship, and said he would reply to my email, but he lied to me and never did. The only reason I emailed the pastor is because Campus Church is a separate organization from Pensacola Christian College. They operate independently of each other, so perhaps the church has different policies. No one wants to be where they are not welcomed. If as a divorced man who seeks to remarry, I will be looked down upon, scorned, berated, mistreated and shunned by the Pharisees at Campus Church, then I don't belong here. That is common sense. I am truly saddened by all this, because I was really happy to have found this church, but they will never accept me because I am divorced and wanting to remarry.
What bothers me so much is that instead of directly answering my question, and just coming right out to tell me that I would be best to find a church elsewhere, Pastor Jeff Redlin beat around the bush avoiding the issue. He said that he couldn't answer my question. The truth is that he chose not to answer my question. The sad truth is that I am NOT welcomed at Campus Church as a divorced person who desires to remarry, but he didn't want to actually say it. That is cowardice, not Bible love. He should have simply told me that I would feel more at home elsewhere, instead of ignoring my email and evading my question when asked. Divorce and remarriage are like the big white elephant in the living room that nobody wants to talk about. Sadly, places like Pensacola Christian College and Campus Church are intended only for stable marriages, not for divorced persons. Their staff member even told me that divorced people for that very reason often LEAVE PCC and Campus Church, and others AVOID coming here. So if you are a hurting sinner, with a broken life, Campus Church and Pensacola Christian College are NOT for you, because you WILL be shunned!
If I were a pastor and some one had asked me the same question I asked Pastor Redlin, I might have replied like this:
“This is America, the land of the free. Who you marry or remarry is your business, and I have no say in the matter. If you can find a woman at Campus Church to marry, that is your business, but I wouldn't perform the wedding because of my beliefs. But, yes, of course, you are welcomed in our church family! We love you and hope that you will stay.”
That would have been a great answer, I think. But you cannot completely ignore people and expect them not to be hurt and offended. Everybody should be welcomed at church! Something is very wrong with Campus Church and the Pensacola Christian College (PCC) camp, when divorced people are leaving and avoiding coming there. What snobs!
I know that remarriage is not God's perfect will (Matthew 19:8). I think God's acceptable will is to remain single (1st Corinthians 7:27). But I believe God gives people who want to remarry a second chance within His permissive will (1st Corinthians 7:2; 7:28). It bothers me immensely when I meet religious snobs, self-righteous hypocrites, pompous Pharisees, who refuse to give hurting people a second chance. Although 1 in 100 men may choose to remain single, that is not the norm for the majority of healthy men who desire intimacy. I have little patience with the self-righteous religious crowd. That is another thing that I love about Pastor Jack Hyles, although he never once sanctioned a divorce, he gave divorced people a second chance. Dr. Hyles recommend waiting at least 5 years before moving on. I have been alone for 15 years.
Kindly said, it is easy for people to judge from a distance. It bothers me how some 43-year-old PCC staff member, who has never been married, has never been intimate with a female, doesn't have any children, will judge and ride (berate) someone divorced like me who simply desires a mate. I need to attend some other local churches. I do desire a wife. I agree that Christ is all I need, but I want a wife, and 1st Corinthians 7:2 and 7:28 is all the Scriptural support I need.
You'd think that a pastor would see a hurting man and assure him of God's love. Nope! You'd think that even if their pastor disagrees with me that he would look beyond my faults and see my need. Nope! I haven't heard one word from their pastors expressing any desire for me to stay at Campus Church. Sadly, Campus Church is very formal in their worship, and seriously lacks ministries for people to get involved. I will likely keep attending Campus Church until I find something else, but I now see clearly that I will never be able to find a wife here, and they couldn't care less if I ever return. At no point has the pastor told me that he hopes I stay at Campus Church. I plainly asked him if I am welcome at Campus Church. His silence speaks loudly!
If Campus Church were to advertise on their website that divorced people who desire to remarry ought not come to their church because they won't be accepted, then that would make the church look bad, hateful and horrible. But ladies and gentleman, that is exactly what they do believe! When I asked the pastor if I am welcomed in their church as a divorced man who wants to find a wife, he said he didn't know the answer. Pastor Redlin should know if I am welcome or not at Campus Church. What he was really admitting is that Campus Church does indeed shun divorced people, but he won't say it because it would make him look really bad. All I wanted to know is if I am welcome at their church! Pastor Redlin never answered my question, and that is terrible.
I never asked Pastor Redlin for his views on divorce and remarriage, I simply asked him if I am welcomed at Campus Church as a divorced man who intends to find a wife there. He never did answer my question. I guess it is because the clergy has deteriorated into a mere profession, and is no longer a divine calling. Today's pastors behave as businessmen instead of God's men. They woefully lack compassion for the hurting and a desire to help all men. I came to Campus Church wounded in my soul, bleeding in my life, and desperately needing their love; but instead I have been brushed off and ignored, given a cold shoulder and left to wonder if anybody cares if I leave or stay. That is not God's love.
The honest truth is that Pastor Redlin should have told me that this is America, a free country. He should have told me that everyone is welcome at church, and that finding a wife is not his place to comment. He could have kindly told me that he doesn't perform weddings for divorced people, and it wouldn't have offended me, just so long as he had made it clear that I was definitely welcomed in their church. But he didn't do that! He made me feel unwelcome and unwanted, ignoring my email for 10 days and then saying that he couldn't answer my question about finding a wife at Campus Church. No one wants to be in a place where they are despised and unwanted, and that is evidently what I am now. The woeful lack of ministries in Campus Church confirms my suspicion that their pastors are not church builders, and they lack compassion for people like me who need their love and help. They just don't care!
So far at Campus Church, I see the religion of an academic institution, and not the compassion of church builders. Campus Church is only for perfect people, those with happy marriages, stable families and the snobby religious elite of society. All the rest of us miserable sinners are on the outside looking in! I sure don't feel loved or welcomed at Campus Church. I'm heading over to the First Baptist Church of Pensacola tonight, to ask them if they accept divorced people or shun them like Campus Church does? Maybe they'll welcome me and make me feel like I am wanted and loved. Pastor Bob Gray Sr. is so right that today's churches are pathetic! When will pastors ever learn that people just want to be loved?
