Is it ok to divorce an abusive husband?
"And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." -Philippians 2:8
Jesus Christ was willing to suffer for us. He is our example. In this selfish generation, it is not surprising that lawsuits and the divorce rate are so high. People have become intolerant of each other. I recently received the following e-mail from a gentleman in July of 2006...
Hi David,
Fear not, it is not for myself! I wanted to ask what you thought about divorce in the Biblical sense.
I have a work colleague; initially she and her husband are Catholic, however I have been in deep discussion with her and whereas she already had lots of Catholic points that she never agreed with, she now really understands the ills of Catholicism. But her family, to my knowledge, are regular Christians.
They are married for 10 years; however, her husband, a Spaniard, is a horrible husband. He constantly puts her down, dishonors her, treats her awfully, keeps strict control over her, and has also had numerous affairs (he hasn't left her, but sleeps around). She is at the stage where she just doesn't want to be married to him anymore, and the marriage is loveless. However, her parents are of the frame of mind that she should rather stay married and be miserable, than be happy and a divorcee! Her parents-in-law are trying to emotionally blackmail her too by saying that her husband emigrated to South Africa to be with her (they also previously lived in Spain together).
I have already told her what Jesus said in Matthew 5:31-32:
[31] It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: [32] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
But digging deeper into this, what does this really mean? Jesus is basically saying that God has already seen man and woman unified as one flesh, and that can never be broken; but adultery appears almost to be an opt-out clause. But, another way of interpreting this is, as you wrote on the website, that divorce is still not an option, however the innocent party will not commit adultery by re-marrying, as the guilty adulterer has already done that and thus caused her to divorce and "commit adultery".
(I also showed her your article on divorce)
Does this mean that she could get a divorce? She has tried hard to reconcile and feels guilty because of the children and because of the divorce-stigma, but also loveless - this man is mentally abusing her, has often cheated on her, and she is on anti-depressants as a result of it!
There are also two children involved; I know from my own experience that two hateful parents together badly affects the child, and it is affecting their children too.
Finally - if she does get a divorce, are there any Crisis Centers or missions, and some tips? The wages she gets here are too low to really rent a place and support two children - and the husband is very liable to return to Spain (and thus avoid maintenance payments). With her parents' frame of mind, one wonders if they would allow her to stay with them (in the South Coast) after a divorce; she has nobody else. I would help her out, but am battling to rent a small 1-bedroom apartment, and barely have space for my wife and I!
So, what would the best advice be? I would think she could divorce with a clear conscience, but what would happen cometh Judgment Day?
Thanks,****
Here is my Biblical response...
I recently wrote an article addressing the issue you have mentioned...
There are NO Biblical grounds for divorce. Jesus never gave anyone the permission to divorce because of adultery, which is clear from his statement in Matthew 19:6, "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." For anyone to claim that Jesus permits divorce because of adultery makes no sense. What if your spouse commits murder? Is God saying that a spouse can divorce for adultery; but not for murder?
Also, Matthew 5:28 states that the sin of lusting IS adultery, which makes every normal man an adulterer. Can any healthy man honestly claim that he has never lusted upon another woman? If so, he needs to see a doctor. Obviously, Jesus wasn't permitting divorce.
On everyone's wedding day, they all exchange the same vows ..."for better, for WORSE; for richer, for POORER; in SICKNESS, as in health; 'TIL DEATH DO US PART."
We are living in a world of liars who break their marriage vows by divorcing. Jesus came to this world as a humble servant, willing to be beaten, scourged, mocked, abused, and crucified for us ... because He loved us. Jesus is our example to follow. The average spouse today has a chip on their shoulder, and a heart filled with sinful pride. Feminism in particular is saturated with sinful stubbornness and selfish pride. Oh that men and women would love the Lord, and allow God's unconditional love to control their marital decisions.
An abused wife who loves her husband WILL not divorce him. She may leave, seek counsel, ask for help from others, pray for him, or even get a job and find another place to live for awhile; but, she doesn't throw in the towel and quit. I don't expect most people to understand this type of commitment, because few people posses God's love. The Old Testament gives us an example of God's unconditional love in the Book of Hosea. Hosea was one of the minor prophets, sent by God to preach to Israel. Hosea married Gomer, and they had numerous children. Hosea then abandoned Hosea to go live in the sin of adultery. Hosea was devastated, for he loved Gomer; but she was a whore. At the end of the Book of Hosea, after Gomer had lived a life of sin, Hosea finds her being sold at a slave market. Hosea buys Gomer back, thus expressing his unconditional love and forgiveness. Hosea represents God, and Gomer represents Israel and all sinners. Romans 5:8 states, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God loves mankind with an unconditional love, Who was willing to buy us from the slave market of sin to set us free.
Likewise, a true Christian spouse who loves God, will demonstrate unconditional love for their wayward spouse, and not divorce. The focus of nearly everyone who seeks to justify a divorce is upon "self." They reason, "Why should I live unhappy, suffer or be miserable, when I can move to greener pastures?" But Jesus was willing to suffer for you and me, because He loves us. He could have called ten thousand angels, but He chose to bleed, suffer and die for our sins. This is not an "evangelical" attitude of men towards women; It is God's Word.
Of course, a wife has every right to leave the home if she is being beaten; but she Biblically never has a right to divorce. Suffering is a part of life and marriage, and only a self-righteous hypocrite would condemn their spouse while overlooking their own sins and faults. People look for every excuse to divorce nowadays. I receive letters from time to time from people who quote various ministers, ministries and religious sources in an attempt to justify their divorce. It's woeful apostasy! If anyone should be protecting the sacredness of marriage, its Christians; but they divorce as much as the unsaved heathens. Divorce is caused by sinful PRIDE.
God hates all divorce ... Malachi 2:16
There are times in most marriages where a husband and wife feel they don't love each other anymore; but this is when God's unconditional love should override our own selfish personal desires. Unconditional love is God's love; not the shallow conditional love which the world sings about. It's amazing to me how the world can sing ... "I'll love you forever and ever" ... and then divorce every 5 -10 years and move on to greener pastures. Divorce is a sin, and there are no exceptions. On one's wedding day, there were no disclaimers in your marriage vows. No one promises ..."'till death do us part, unless you commit adultery." Yet, these same liars will twist the Bible around to justify their divorce 15 years later on the grounds of adultery. They are equally guilty of breaking their marriage VOWS if they file for divorce.
It is extremely cruel for a person to abandon his/her spouse and children. Gomer abandoned Hosea, leaving him numerous children to raise. Divorce is a horrible sin that perpetuates for a lifetime.
To remarry, while one's spouse is still alive, is adultery (Matthew 5:32).
I know my opinions are not very popular in today's apostate world; but they are Biblical. Feminism was spawned by Communism. Do a web search under "Feminism Communism" and see all the articles that come up. Feminism is destroying America, convincing women that their Biblically authoritative husbands are abusive. God told Adam to RULE OVER Eve (Genesis 3:16). Feminism calls this "spousal abuse."
Kindest regards,
Dave Stewart
"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." -Proverb 31:12
"In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ." —2nd Thessalonians 1:8
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