“God never taught anybody how to quit!” —Brother Lester Roloff
I'm now taking 120 mg of prescription Oxycontin per day, 1800 mg of
Gabapentin, 10 mg Ambien and I am just burned out
emotionally and physically. I also take 2 to 3 Percocet 10/325's per day as
needed for breakthrough pain. I take 5 to 10 mg valium as needed to relax. The pain in my neck is debilitating at times, radiating into my
facial area and down into my right arm and thumb. My gums hurt and it feels
like my teeth are ready to fall out sometimes. My eyes are sensitive to
light. My face is continually sore.
I don't like taking any medication, but the pain is unbearable. I've had this pain since 2004. Per my doctors, I've already tried 50lbs of cervical traction for 4-months, three steroid injections (two using a CT Scanner for precise placement of the cortisone), 3-months of physical therapy and I've tried three different chiropractors. Nothing has helped to alleviate the pain. I tried hot and cold packs. The cold packs gave me frostbite on my neck and didn't help at all. So I finally had surgery in 2009, Cervical Anterior Discectomy and Fusion as C5-C6-C7. The surgery didn't help. So in 2010 I went back to have it revised, because a different surgeon didn't like then way it was done and wanted to do a bone graft from my hip. So I agreed.
Unfortunately the 2nd surgery made me much worse, causing my arms to feel puffed-up in size, twice their normal size all the time. I was frightening and overwhelming for the first 6-months realizing that I would have to live with this horrible discomfort for the rest of my life. I was suicidal at times. Only my faith in God, by His grace, have I made it this far. It's been very difficult to say the least, especially living alone and having nobody for companionship or to help with anything around the apartment.
Comments by David J. Stewart,
webservant of Jesus-is-Savior.com. The picture to the right is an actual
thermal scan of my spine, which a chiropractor took of my neck in 2006. This is a
good picture of what I feel in my neck 24/7, and have endured since March of
2004. I cannot even have a normal conversation with people because my neck
feels like it's ready to explode. Nothing has helped me. I am suffering in
misery still as of 2011.
The above link is to Amazon.com where they sell 19 books relating to nerve damage and how to cope with it. I have suffered with chronic neck pain and stiffness since 2004 due to cervical (neck) degenerative disk disease. My condition worsened. In 2006 I was diagnosed with neuropathy (nerve damage), stenosis (narrowing of the nerve path in my neck) and radiculopathy (tingling, weakness, pain, and burning extending down my arms and legs). I had ACDF surgery in 2009 and again in 2010 to redo the first surgery. I had a hip bone graft the second time. Consequently, I was left worse off than before I got surgery. Not only do I still have all of my original symptoms, but now I have more pain, tingling, weakness, burning, and a feeling of a covering over my arms and legs (mostly the right side). My right leg feels like it's half asleep all the time, which feels strange and causes me to limp.
Most people don't understand that pain, chronic neck stiffness (which feels like my neck is going to explode with tension), and nerve damage—can cause a person to become depressed, irritable, have mood swings, fatigue, anxiety, and a feeling of utter hopelessness and of being overwhelmed. I went through all of that and lost my family. I lost my career. I lost my home and my pets. I lost the desire to live. I had both surgeries alone without a soul in the world by my side. I wanted to commit suicide, and would have if it weren't for my faith in God. I even bought 2 barbeques and charcoal to kill myself. I just couldn't do it. God has a reason for me to live. I need to be alone in my pain and suffering, because everything irritates me and I often have mood swings, and have to close my eyes and sit down somewhere. People don't understand, and how can they, since they've never had to truly suffer with multiple afflictions.
I go into a restaurant and sit down at a table. I look normal, but I feel burning from head to toe at times, sharp pain radiating down the entire right side of my body. Both of my arms feel puffed-up, but my right arm feels twice it's normal size. My right leg feels half-asleep all the time. I have agonizing toothache-like pain in the bony area of the back of my neck, with chronic neck tension. My neck pain radiates into my facial area and gums, making them feel sore. The neck pain by itself is absolutely debilitating, making me want to die and go to Heaven. I take 120 mg. of Oxycontin daily, and praise God for it, because without it I cry in pain and cannot survive. How in the world am I supposed to enjoy my meal, carry on a conversation, and live normally? I try, but my body is afflicted. I live alone because of all this, and it is lonely often. It is my burden, the cards I have been dealt in life, and I can only cope daily with God's help. The neck pain is so bad as I am typing, which is why I am typing, it helps me to preoccupy my mind. Why do you think this website is so big?
If you are suffering from neuropathy, stenosis, and radiculopathy like I have been since 2004, my heart goes out to you. I do understand. I have no steady social life because of my bodily afflictions. At times my condition is bearable, and at other times unbearable. God is good and I know that suffering is a part of this earthly life, but Jesus said to be of good cheer because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). I don't hope to have eternal life; but rather, I have the hope of eternal l life (Titus 1:2). You'll think this is crazy, but when I get depressed, I watch or listen to something about the New World Order. It reminds me that time is running out for the world, the Lord's return must be near, and I feel cheered up in knowing the Christ is coming soon. I like to hear Alex Jones at PrisonPlanet.tv daily, of which I am a member. I love when Alex goes into his rants, saying exactly what I would say if I had the chance. Alex does what he does better than anybody, that is, unlocking minds with the truth, fighting against tyranny and corruption, and defending liberty and freedom.
It is sometimes frustrating that people cannot see my afflictions, because I've learned that people by nature don't believe what they cannot see. Outwardly I look fine; but inwardly I feel physical burning, tingling, puffiness, pain and weakness all the time. The pain in my neck is debilitating to say the least. It is sad that people like me have to go through life, having cruel people downplay our medical condition and slander us. Slander is a false accusation. When people accuse you of over-exaggerating one's pain and suffering, they are slandering you. The back of my neck feels like it's ready to explode, like a giant hand is grabbing me by the back of the neck and squeezing as hard as can be. That's what I suffer with continually every day. The chronic tension extends down into my right arm, which feels twice it's size. My multiple health problems with neck and nerves have ruined my life...
In severe cases, with chronic neck pain, the sufferer may also experience depression, mood swings (anger and anxiety), irritability, sleep disturbances, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and even drug dependency connected to the incident.
SOURCE: Neck Pain - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis and Treatments
It is encouraging to hear someone else describe and be able to relate to what I am going through. I suffer from all the things mentioned. I've been taking 10 mg. of Ambien for years now to help me sleep at night due to my nerve problems. It works for me. The over-the-counter sleep aids from the store are the worst things in the world in my opinion. They dehydrate my sinuses, cause dry mouth, hallucinations, and actually prevent me from getting a good night's sleep. Ambien doesn't do any of that, although I heard someone else say it doesn't work for them who only took 5 mg. of Ambien.
I recently bought a couple books to help me cope with my nerve afflictions, because it has been overwhelming lately. I've been progressively getting worse since 2004. To make matters worse, I came home from my 2nd failed neck surgery in 2010 with puffed-up airbags for arms. I was worse than before. I now have intensified burning, tingling, and shooting pain in my arms and legs.
Thankfully, the radiating pain is intermittent although it has made me depressed that I cannot do things like I used to. My fingers hurt badly while typing on a keyboard and I'm continually switching fingers. My right forefinger hurts badly after picking my guitar for awhile and I have to stop. It makes it difficult to spend any quality time on my guitar. I can play, but I can't really invest time into the instrument like I want to. I am blessed, yet suffering. I feel both emotions at the same time, because I have both realities at the same time.
One book that has encouraged me is PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY by Norman Latov, MD, PhD, who shares his own medical afflictions (neuropathy) with others to encourage them. Dr. Latov states..
Functioning day to day is not easy. Living with neuropathy teaches you very quickly that you cannot take anything for granted. Just a few years ago, if someone had told me that walking up a flight of stairs could be agonizing and make me feel like I'd just climbed Mount Everest, I wouldn't have believed them. Let me tell you: I believe them now.
From the outside, you could never know anything is wrong. In fact, someone recently said how lucky I was that no one can tell I have this disease. Actually, it's a double-edge sword. I don't want people to think something is wrong with me. On the other hand, I often feel like I'm suffering in silence because no one understands what I'm living with. I try very hard to hide what I'm going through. ...
When you are diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy, you constantly are confronted with what life was like “before” and “after.” “Before” meant living without having to think about every little thing you do. It meant walking down stairs without having your heart skip a beat as you fear you may tumble down instead of walk down. “Before” meant taking a step without having to take a step.
“After” means thinking before doing. When you wake up in the morning, you get out of bed, remembering to be careful not to lose your balance.
SOURCE: PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY: When the Numbness, Weakness, and Pain Won't Stop; by Norman Latov, MD, PhD; pages 103-104; ISBN-13:978-1-932603-59-0
My condition is caused my cervical degenerative disk disease, although no precise diagnosis has ever been made. I haven't been fortunate enough yet to find a doctor that can really diagnosis me. They are uncertain. After exhausting all conventional treatments (cervical traction, chiropractor, physical therapy, strengthening exercises, steroid injections, hot and cold packs and medications), surgery was the final treatment (twice). No one has any more answers except to cope with the suffering by taking massive amounts of prescription pain-killers.
The first surgery was Anterior Cervical Discectomy and Fusion (ACDF) on my neck in 2009. The second was a revision of the 1st surgery a year later. I was given a z-tech implant on the 1st surgery. When I met with the 2nd surgeon at a different hospital (I didn't dare go back to the first since they had their shot at helping me and failed), he said that my neck pain would never stop unless my bones fused. A ct scan showed that c5-c6 were fusing, but not c6-c7. So I had a revision surgery with a hip graft from my left side to insert into my neck between C5-C6-C7. The second surgery intensified my radiculopathy (burning, tingling and pain radiating down into my arms and legs). I still have stenosis (narrowing of the spinal cord passage in my neck). I still have bone spurs, and C4-C5 is partially slipped.
My body is a physical mess, riddled with sharp nerve pain, tingling, burning, puffiness and constant chronic neck pain and stiffness. As I type the sharp nerve pain is an 8 out of 10 into my left toe. It hurts bad. It won't last, but 10-minutes from now it will be my right to, or my left middle finger, or my right thumb. The radiating nerve pain is the only thing that is intermittent, everything else is constant is varying degrees. I take 120 mg. of Oxycontin daily to cope.
Prescription Drugs Withdrawals
I have gone through several periods of hellish drug withdrawals over the years. It was very difficult when I went cold-turkey from taking 60 mg. of Morphine Sulfate daily for a year. The only reason I was able to kick the drug was because I continued taking 8 Percocet 10/325 daily during the withdrawal period. I developed tiny red spots on both sides of my abdomen, which scared me. I felt like I was going to die. I took hot showers hourly, ate popcorn and comfort foods to ease the suffering, watched some TV to preoccupy my mind, took short walks, and felt like the world was coming to and end. This lasted for 5-days until I was finally free from the withdrawal symptoms. This was in March of 2010.
In December of 2010 I went through the same thing (minus the spots) when I went cold-turkey and stopped taking Dilaudid. I had been taking 4 mg. daily for 6 months. I was still taking 100 mg. of Oxycontin daily which helped me kick the Dilaudid, which is a HIGHLY addictive drug (it's called drugstore heroine). Now I'm taking 120 mg. daily of Oxycontin and I'm trying to stop taking any Percocet 10/325's with it, because I feel drugged out. It's my neck pain, like the worst toothache you can imagine, but in my neck where the bony area is located in the back.
The pain radiates into my facial area, making my gums sore, my face in general, and my eyes irritated by constant bright lights. It's hell. I mean hell. The pain in my neck and the ripping tension is so close to my head, that it has ruined my personal and social life. The neck pain is so bad at times that I have to close my eyes to concentrate when I'm talking to people, and that scares some people.
People and Family Just Can't and Don't Understand My Bodily Afflictions
One of the difficulties I face is that people cannot see my nerve damage and don't understand, my family included. I have lived alone now for years because of my poor health. I am afflicted day and night. Neuropathy, stenosis and radiculopathy have ruined my life. Two neurosurgeons thought I have cervical osteo-arthritis and told me I'd have to suffer; but the other 5 neurosurgeons weren't sure. 2 of the surgeons did surgery, but it didn't help. The pain in my neck requires me to take 120 mg. of Oxycontin and 2 Percocet 10/325's per day to survive. It only takes the edge off the pain.
Again, my multiple health problems with neck and nerves have ruined my life. This is what I've gone through, and am going through daily...
In severe cases, with chronic neck pain, the sufferer may also experience depression, mood swings (anger and anxiety), irritability, sleep disturbances, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and even drug dependency connected to the incident.
SOURCE: Neck Pain - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis and Treatments
My neck chronic neck pain and stiffness began instantly in March of 2004. Literally, I was ok one day and messed up the next. I used my head to turn my body during the night and felt a hot-flash in my neck. I woke up with horrible toothache-like neck pain and ripping neck tension. I have had that pain and stiffness every single day since 2004. A year later I slipped and fell in late 2005, which caused radiculopathy to start in my arms and legs (mostly the right side of my body). What a nightmare! I kept working full-time and suffered, not knowing what to do until my life eventually fell apart drastically. I still didn't know what to do, but was finally able to get surgery, which didn't help me. I trusted another neurosurgeon to help me and he wanted to redo the 1st surgery, which made me worse.
I was rear-ended by a church bus in 1992. My seat was broken I got hit so hard. I went to the hospital for x-rays to see if my neck was broken. They said I was fine, but I wasn't. Evidently I had a crooked neck from then on, called Reverse Cervical Curve. The first chiropractor that I saw in 2004 told me that whiplash is a common cause of Cervical Degenerative Disk Disease 15-20 years later as the body ages. That's what started my problems, and then I fell and it compounded my injuries. My neck was ready to fall apart and was bound to happen from one thing or another. I'm thankful to God that I was able to go for so many years without noticing any neck problems. Time takes it's toll.
People can't see my pain, tingling, the puffy feeling in my arms and legs, my right leg and arm feel half asleep all the time, my neck has pain like a severe throbbing toothache that never goes away, and the neck tension makes my neck feel like a balloon is filled up with air ready to explode. Add all this together and I'm a bodily, emotional, nervous wreck. Everything irritates me and I can't even have a pet for company. I can only sleep about 5 hours, even after taking 10 mg. of Ambien. I take calcium and Gabapentin to help me sleep. If I'm fortunate I can fall back asleep. I regularly work on my website ministry in the wee hours of the morning because I can't sleep. At times I don't want to live anymore, but I know God has a purpose for my existence. People just don't understand, nor can they.
I can't write the rest of this chapter of my life because I'm stuck and don't know where to go from here. My health problems are overwhelming, and the weirdest thing is that I seem just fine if you look at me. Only God knows my horrible neck pain and stiffness; and the burning, tingling, weakness, puffiness, and shooting pain in my arms and legs... crying out from my body 24 hours a day. My neck pain is debilitating, feeling like the worst toothache imaginable in the bony area of the back of my neck. The pain is dull, constant and throbbing, radiating into my facial area, my gums feel sore, my eyes feel sore, my face feels sore. It's hell, pure hell on earth. It hurts as I type, which is why I am typing. I feel better typing out what I feel when it hurts really bad, taking my mind off of things. Why do you think my website is so big? God is using my pain for His glory and purpose. I make my webpages dark because the nerve-endings in my eyes are sensitive due to the inflammation in my neck. Even light irritates my nerves because of the horrible pain. It's indescribable. I love people and don't blame them for being human, but it is a horrible burden for me to deal with every day. 10-years ago I wouldn't have understood what I'm going through today.
I remember when my mother was alive, having her left leg amputated. I saw the bloody stump and saw her crying in pain. I didn't understand back then what she was feeling and I'm sure I still don't. I can't even imagine. She was given morphine, but they can only give a person so much, and so patients suffer. I'm so glad that my mother's bodily afflictions and pain stopped at the age of 65, when she went to be with the Lord August 20th, 2001. My mother had her right leg amputated just above the foot weeks prior to her death. Oh how she suffered. My mother had a paralyzing stroke at age 52, and it was downhill from there. But she never stopped having a strong faith in the Lord. Even on her death bed she said, “I have the best Physician.” I was sad to see her suffering and replied, “I know you have a good doctor.” She said, “I have the Great Physician!” Then I realized that she was talking about the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen for her testimony. I started my online ministry the year after my mom went to be with the Lord.
Even when I attend church people don't understand. I have to explain my situation to everyone, but they still don't understand what I'm suffering inside because I look fine. How do you show someone nerve pain, tingling, weakness, and chronic neck pain and stiffness? You can't! I take 120 mg. of Oxycontin daily, but it only takes the edge off of the pain. Pardon me if I repeat certain things over and over, I'm just writing from my heart what I feel (or should I say, from my body what I feel). I am hurting from head-to-toe as I type.
I am meeting with a specialist in a couple weeks, hopefully for an EMG, which I've never had, to see what is going on. I told my doctor last week that I'm suffering horribly and have never had an EMG, so he is referring me to a radiologist. I've all but given up hope of ever getting better after having 2 failed surgeries; but I cannot live like this, so I'll keep pestering doctors to help me. Please keep me in your prayers, really, I mean that. I do believe in prayer. It's not just a therapy. There's a personal God up in Heaven Who listens and answers every prayer. He may so no, maybe, not yet, or yes; but He will answer (Philippians 4:6).
The Devil has been attacking me left-and-right since my website began to grow in 2004. In addition to my debilitating pain and agonizing suffering from the loss of my health, I have lost my family, my happiness, my home, half of the equity in my home for legal expenses, my life's retirement, my pension, my savings, my 15-year career, my pets, the half of my mind I had left, the only life I ever knew and everything else held dear to me (and I had no control over any of it, being a victim of circumstances completely beyond my control); but I rejoice in the precious promise of Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
One day at a time! If I can make it, so can you. I've lost everything near and dear to me, and am one of the most hated people on the internet because of my stand for Christ. I could write a 1,000 page book on my afflictions and sufferings. As I type my body suffers from dozen afflictions inside due to neuropathy, stenosis and radiculopathy. I live with discomfort and pain. My arms always feel doubled in size. My right leg feels half asleep all the time. The toothache-like pain in my neck is debilitating 24/7, radiating into my facial area. I live with loneliness due to my bodily afflictions and pain, which make me easily irritable and physically drained all the time.
I am truly blessed by God and yet am suffering horribly at the same time, so I feel both emotions together since I am living both realities. So I naturally I am afflicted with mood swings...
In severe cases, with chronic neck pain, the sufferer may also experience depression, mood swings (anger and anxiety), irritability, sleep disturbances, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and even drug dependency connected to the incident.
SOURCE: Neck Pain - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis and Treatments
I have experienced all of that since 2004, and with my condition worse now than ever, I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate those of you who understand why I cannot handle e-mails. I miss hearing from so many of you that I remember. I am hoping to be evaluated within the year for possible endoscopic surgery on the back of my neck, to remove bone spurs at C5-C6, but I am reluctant after the last surgery made me worse. I just don't know where to turn for medical help, and at this point, am not sure if anything can be done for me.
The surgeon thought a hip graft would fuse my bones better and eliminate my pain, but it didn't in the least, and now my arms feel puffed up 24/7. All I've ever tried to do is rid my body of this horrible debilitating neck pain and ripping tension that has ruined my life, but things are just going from worse to worster to worstest (I think I just made some new words). Things have been getting worse for me, but God is at the steering wheel.
As Pastor Jack Hyles (1926-2001) used to sing...
My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,
All I have to do is follow;
My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,
All I have to do is follow;
Strength for today is mine all the way,
and all that I need for tomorrow;
My Lord knows the way through the wilderness,
All I have to do is follow.
I know many of you are wondering why I write articles weeks ahead of time. I love writing articles and it is an honor and a privilege to do what God has laid upon my heart to do. Albeit, sometimes I am overwhelmed with pain and don't want to live. At times like that I just exist and deal with the pain hour by hour. If I am suffering in horrible pain and don't feel like writing, then I feel better knowing I am covered for the next couple weeks. That's why I do that, it's because of my pain. Sometimes I don't write articles ahead of time, and sometimes I do. It all depends on how I feel inside.
My website is dark because it is easier on my eyes, because my neck pain radiates into my eyes. I made my other websites... Soulwinning.info, GodLovesPeople.com, LoveTheTruth.com, and SteelC6th.com bright because I strongly felt that they should be; however, I don't spend near as much time working on them and I feel at home working on my Jesus-is-Savior.com website ministry.
Since I've had 2 surgeries and have exhausted all conventional medical remedies, there's nothing else being offered to me at this time except prescription medications. From this point, the only thing available is drastic stuff like a nerve block or a morphine injection pump. I really don't want that, but I need to get something done to help alleviate my suffering. I am in God's hands. James 5:13, “Is any among you afflicted? let him pray.”
Until a person is afflicted with endless pain, they naturally can't relate to such suffering and can't possibly understand. They just can't. I know what's it's like to be outside on a beautiful day with the sun shining, and everybody is enjoying life and having a good time; but physical suffering within my body is afflicting me and it overshadows me. I look fine, but my whole body is crying out in affliction. I fight it and try to live anyway, but it catches up with me and oftentimes I feel overwhelmed in public with burning, tingling, fatigue, weakness and pain. I try to live a normal life, but it is difficult.
Philippians 2:13, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” That is why this website is here, i.e., because God has done a work in my heart to will and to do of His good pleasure. Amen and amen!
I ask for your earnest prayers for this ministry and me daily. This ministry is much bigger than me, it's about the Lord Jesus Christ, Who is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE (John 14:6)! HEAR YE HIM!
“Even so, come, Lord Jesus” (Revelation 22:20).
